Auld Licht Idyls
I. THE SCHOOL-HOUSE
III. THE AULD LICHT KIRK
IV. LADS AND LASSES
V. THE AULD LICHTS IN ARMS
VI. THE OLD DOMINIE
VII. CREE QUEERY AND MYSY DROLLY
VIII. THE COURTING OF T'NOWHEAD'S BELL
IX. DAVIT LUNAN'S POLITICAL REMINISCENCES
X. A VERY OLD FAMILY
XI. LITTLE RATHIE'S "BURAL"
XII. A LITERARY CLUB
AULD LICHT IDYLS.
Early this morning I opened a window in my school-house in the glen
of Quharity, awakened by the shivering of a starving sparrow against
the frosted glass. As the snowy sash creaked in my hand, he made off
to the waterspout that suspends its "tangles" of ice over a gaping
tank, and, rebounding from that, with a quiver of his little black
breast, bobbed through the network of wire and joined a few of his
fellows in a forlorn hop round the henhouse in search of food. Two
days ago my hilarious bantam-cock, saucy to the last, my cheeriest
companion, was found frozen in his own water-trough, the corn-saucer
in three pieces by his side. Since then I have taken the hens into
the house. At meal-times they litter the hearth with each other's
feathers; but for the most part they give little trouble, roosting
on the rafters of the low-roofed kitchen among staves and fishing-rods.
Another white blanket has been spread upon the glen since I looked
out last night; for over the same wilderness of snow that has met my
gaze for a week, I see the steading of Waster Lunny sunk deeper into
the waste. The school-house, I suppose, serves similarly as a snow-mark
for the people at the farm. Unless that is Waster Lunny's grieve
foddering the cattle in the snow, not a living thing is visible. The
ghostlike hills that pen in the glen have ceased to echo to the sharp
crack of the sportsman's gun (so clear in the frosty air as to be a
warning to every rabbit and partridge in the valley); and only giant
Catlaw shows here and there a black ridge, rearing his head at the
entrance to the glen and struggling ineffectually to cast off his
shroud. Most wintry sign of all I think, as I close the window hastily,
is the open farm-stile, its poles lying embedded in the snow where they
were last flung by Waster Lunny's herd. Through the still air comes
from a distance a vibration as of a tuning-fork: a robin, perhaps,
alighting on the wire of a broken fence.
In the warm kitchen, where I dawdle over my breakfast, the widowed
bantam-hen has perched on the back of my drowsy cat. It is needless
to go through the form of opening the school to-day; for, with the
exception of Waster Lunny's girl, I have had no scholars for nine
days. Yesterday she announced that there would be no more schooling
till it was fresh, "as she wasna comin';" and indeed, though the
smoke from the farm chimneys is a pretty prospect for a snowed-up
school-master, the trudge between the two houses must be weary work
for a bairn. As for the other children, who have to come from all
parts of the hills and glen, I may not see them for weeks. Last year
the school was practically deserted for a month. A pleasant outlook,
with the March examinations staring me in the face, and an inspector
fresh from Oxford. I wonder what he would say if he saw me to-day
digging myself out of the school-house with the spade I now keep for
the purpose in my bedroom.
The kail grows brittle from the snow in my dank and cheerless
garden. A crust of bread gathers timid pheasants round me. The
robins, I see, have made the coal-house their home. Waster Lunny's
dog never barks without rousing my sluggish cat to a joyful response.
It is Dutch courage with the birds and beasts of the glen, hard
driven for food; but I look attentively for them in these long
forenoons, and they have begun to regard me as one of themselves. My
breath freezes, despite my pipe, as I peer from the door: and with a
fortnight-old newspaper I retire to the ingle-nook. The friendliest
thing I have seen to-day is the well-smoked ham suspended, from my
kitchen rafters. It was a gift from the farm of Tullin, with a load
of peats, the day before the snow began to fall. I doubt if I have
seen a cart since.
This afternoon I was the not altogether passive spectator of a
curious scene in natural history. My feet encased in stout "tackety"
boots, I had waded down two of Waster Lunny's fields to the glen
burn: in summer the never-failing larder from which, with wriggling
worm or garish fly, I can any morning whip a savory breakfast; in
the winter time the only thing in the valley that defies the ice-king's
chloroform. I watched the water twisting black and solemn through the
snow, the ragged ice on its edge proof of the toughness of the struggle
with the frost, from which it has, after all, crept only half
victorious. A bare wild rose-bush on the farther bank was violently
agitated, and then there ran from its root a black-headed rat with
wings. Such was the general effect. I was not less interested when my
startled eyes divided this phenomenon into its component parts, and
recognized in the disturbance on the opposite bank only another fierce
struggle among the hungry animals for existence: they need no professor
to teach them the doctrine of the survival of the fittest. A weasel had
gripped a water-hen (whit-tit and beltie they are called In these
parts) cowering at the root of the rose-bush, and was being dragged
down the bank by the terrified bird, which made for the water as its
only chance of escape. In less disadvantageous circumstances the weasel
would have made short work of his victim; but as he only had the bird
by the tail, the prospects of the combatants were equalized. It was the
tug-of-war being played with a life as the stakes. "If I do not reach
the water," was the argument that went on in the heaving little breast
of the one, "I am a dead bird." "If this water-hen," reasoned the
other, "reaches the burn, my supper vanishes with her." Down the
sloping bank the hen had distinctly the best of it, but after that
came a yard, of level snow, and here she tugged and screamed in vain.
I had so far been an unobserved spectator; but my sympathies were with
the beltie, and, thinking it high time to interfere, I jumped into the
water. The water-hen gave one mighty final tug and toppled into the
burn; while the weasel viciously showed me his teeth, and then stole
slowly up the bank to the rose-bush, whence, "girning," he watched me
lift his exhausted victim from the water, and set off with her for the
school-house. Except for her draggled tail, she already looks
wonderfully composed, and so long as the frost holds I shall have little
difficulty in keeping her with me. On Sunday I found a frozen sparrow,
whose heart had almost ceased to beat, in the disused pigsty, and put
him for warmth into my breast-pocket. The ungrateful little scrub bolted
without a word of thanks about ten minutes afterward, to the alarm of my
cat, which had not known his whereabouts.
I am alone in the school-house. On just such an evening as this last
year my desolation drove me to Waster Lunny, where I was storm-stayed
for the night. The recollection decides me to court my own warm
hearth, to challenge my right hand again to a game at the "dambrod"
against my left. I do not lock the school-house door at nights; for
even a highwayman (there is no such luck) would be received with open
arms, and I doubt if there be a barred door in all the glen. But it
is cosier to put on the shutters. The road to Thrums has lost itself
miles down the valley. I wonder what they are doing out in the world.
Though I am the Free Church precentor in Thrums (ten pounds a year,
and the little town is five miles away), they have not seen me for
three weeks. A packman whom I thawed yesterday at my kitchen fire
tells me that last Sabbath only the Auld Lichts held service. Other
people realized that they were snowed up. Far up the glen, after it
twists out of view, a manse and half a dozen thatched cottages that
are there may still show a candle-light, and the crumbling gravestones
keep cold vigil round the gray old kirk. Heavy shadows fade into the
sky to the north. A flake trembles against the window; but it is too
cold for much snow to-night. The shutter bars the outer world from
Thrums is the name I give here to the handful of houses jumbled
together in a cup, which is the town nearest the school-house. Until
twenty years ago its every other room, earthen-floored and showing
the rafters overhead, had a hand-loom, and hundreds of weavers lived
and died Thoreaus "ben the hoose" without knowing it. In those days
the cup overflowed and left several houses on the top of the hill,
where their cold skeletons still stand. The road that climbs from the
square, which is Thrums' heart, to the north is so steep and straight,
that in a sharp frost children hunker at the top and are blown down
with a roar and a rush on rails of ice. At such times, when viewed
from the cemetery where the traveller from the school-house gets his
first glimpse of the little town. Thrums is but two church-steeples
and a dozen red-stone patches standing out of a snow-heap. One of the
steeples belongs to the new Free Kirk, and the other to the parish
church, both of which the first Auld Licht minister I knew ran past
when he had not time to avoid them by taking a back wynd. He was but
a pocket edition of a man, who grew two inches after he was called;
but he was so full of the cure of souls, that he usually scudded to
it with his coat-tails quarrelling behind him. His successor, whom I
knew better, was a greater scholar, and said, "Let us see what this
is in the original Greek," as an ordinary man might invite a friend
to dinner; but he never wrestled as Mr. Dishart, his successor, did
with the pulpit cushions, nor flung himself at the pulpit door. Nor
was he so "hard on the Book," as Lang Tammas, the precentor, expressed
it, meaning that he did not bang the Bible with his fist as much as
might have been wished.
Thrums had been known to me for years before I succeeded the
captious dominie at the school-house in the glen. The dear old soul
who originally induced me to enter the Auld Licht kirk by lamenting
the "want of Christ" in the minister's discourses was my first
landlady. For the last ten years of her life she was bedridden, and
only her interest in the kirk kept her alive. Her case against the
minister was that he did not call to denounce her sufficiently often
for her sins, her pleasure being to hear him bewailing her on his
knees as one who was probably past praying for. She was as sweet and
pure a woman as I ever knew, and had her wishes been horses, she
would have sold them and kept (and looked after) a minister herself.
There are few Auld Licht communities in Scotland nowadays--perhaps
because people are now so well off, for the most devout Auld Lichts
were always poor, and their last years were generally a grim
struggle with the workhouse. Many a heavy-eyed, back-bent weaver has
won his Waterloo in Thrums fighting on his stumps. There are a score
or two of them left still, for, though there are now two factories
in the town, the clatter of the hand-loom can yet be heard, and they
have been starving themselves of late until they have saved up
enough money to get another minister.
The square is packed away in the centre of Thrums, and irregularly
built little houses squeeze close to it like chickens clustering
round a hen. Once the Auld Lichts held property in the square, but
other denominations have bought them out of it, and now few of them
are even to be found in the main streets that make for the rim of
the cup. They live in the kirk wynd, or in retiring little houses,
the builder of which does not seem to have remembered that it is a
good plan to have a road leading to houses until after they were
finished. Narrow paths straggling round gardens, some of them with
stunted gates, which it is commoner to step over than, to open, have
been formed to reach these dwellings, but in winter they are running
streams, and then the best way to reach a house such as that of
Tammy Mealmaker the wright, pronounced wir-icht, is over a broken
dyke and a pig-sty. Tammy, who died a bachelor, had been soured in
his youth by a disappointment in love, of which he spoke but seldom.
She lived far away in a town which he had wandered in the days when
his blood ran hot, and they became engaged. Unfortunately, however,
Tammy forgot her name, and he never knew the address; so there the
affair ended, to his silent grief. He admitted himself, over his
snuff-mull of an evening, that he was a very ordinary character, but
a certain halo of horror was cast over the whole family by their
connection with little Joey Sutie, who was pointed at in Thrums as
the laddie that whistled when he went past the minister. Joey became
a pedler, and was found dead one raw morning dangling over a high
wall within a few miles of Thrums. When climbing the dyke his pack
had slipped back, the strap round his neck, and choked him.
You could generally tell an Auld Licht in Thrums when you passed
him, his dull, vacant face wrinkled over a heavy wob. He wore tags
of yarn round his trousers beneath the knee, that looked like
ostentatious garters, and frequently his jacket of corduroy was put
on beneath his waistcoat. If he was too old to carry his load on his
back, he wheeled it on a creaking barrow, and when he met a friend
they said, "Ay, Jeames," and "Ay, Davit," and then could think of
nothing else. At long intervals they passed through the square,
disappearing or coming into sight round the town-house which stands
on the south side of it, and guards the entrance to a steep brae
that leads down and then twists up on its lonely way to the county
town. I like to linger over the square, for it was from an upper
window in it that I got to know Thrums. On Saturday nights, when the
Auld Licht young men came into the square dressed and washed to look
at the young women errand-going, and to laugh some time afterward to
each other, it presented a glare of light; and here even came the
cheap jacks and the Fair Circassian, and the showman, who, besides
playing "The Mountain Maid and the Shepherd's Bride," exhibited part
of the tall of Balaam's ass, the helm of Noah's ark, and the tartan
plaid in which Flora McDonald wrapped Prince Charlie. More select
entertainment, such as Shuffle Kitty's wax-work, whose motto was, "A
rag to pay, and in you go," were given in a hall whose approach was
by an outside stair. On the Muckle Friday, the fair for which
children storing their pocket-money would accumulate sevenpence
halfpenny in less than six months, the square was crammed with
gingerbread stalls, bag-pipers, fiddlers, and monstrosities who were
gifted with second-sight. There was a bearded man, who had neither
legs nor arms, and was drawn through the streets in a small cart by
four dogs. By looking at you he could see all the clock-work inside,
as could a boy who was led about by his mother at the end of a
string. Every Friday there was the market, when a dozen ramshackle
carts containing vegetables and cheap crockery filled the centre of
the square, resting in line on their shafts. A score of farmers' wives
or daughters in old-world garments squatted against the town-house
within walls of butter on cabbage-leaves, eggs and chickens. Toward
evening the voice of the buckie-man shook the square, and rival
fish-cadgers, terrible characters who ran races on horseback, screamed
libels at each other over a fruiterer's barrow. Then it was time for
douce Auld Lichts to go home, draw their stools near the fire, spread
their red handkerchiefs over their legs to prevent their trousers
getting singed, and read their "Pilgrim's Progress."
In my school-house, however, I seem to see the square most readily
in the Scotch mist which so often filled it, loosening the stones
and choking the drains. There was then no rattle of rain against my
window-sill, nor dancing of diamond drops on the roofs, but blobs of
water grew on the panes of glass to reel heavily down them. Then the
sodden square would have shed abundant tears if you could have taken
it in your hands and wrung it like a dripping cloth. At such a time
the square would be empty but for one vegetable-cart left in the
care of a lean collie, which, tied to the wheel, whined and shivered
underneath. Pools of water gather in the coarse sacks that have been
spread over the potatoes and bundles of greens, which turn to manure
in their lidless barrels. The eyes of the whimpering dog never leave
a black close over which hangs the sign of the Bull, probably the
refuge of the hawker. At long intervals a farmer's gig rumbles over
the bumpy, ill-paved square, or a native, with his head buried in
his coat, peeps out of doors, skurries across the way, and vanishes.
Most of the leading shops are here, and the decorous draper ventures
a few yards from the pavement to scan the sky, or note the effect of
his new arrangement in scarves. Planted against his door is the
butcher, Henders Todd, white-aproned, and with a knife in his hand,
gazing interestedly at the draper, for a mere man may look at an
elder. The tinsmith brings out his steps, and, mounting them,
stealthily removes the saucepans and pepper-pots that dangle on a
wire above his sign-board. Pulling to his door he shuts out the
foggy light that showed in his solder-strewn workshop. The square is
deserted again. A bundle of sloppy parsley slips from the hawker's
cart and topples over the wheel in driblets. The puddles in the
sacks overflow and run together. The dog has twisted his chain round
a barrel and yelps sharply. As if in response comes a rush of other
dogs. A terrified fox-terrier tears across the square with half a
score of mongrels, the butcher's mastiff, and some collies at his
heels; he is doubtless a stranger, who has insulted them by his
glossy coat. For two seconds the square shakes to an invasion of
dogs, and then again there is only one dog in sight.
No one will admit the Scotch mist. It "looks saft." The tinsmith
"wudna wonder but what it was makkin' for rain." Tammas Haggart and
Pete Lunan dander into sight bareheaded, and have to stretch out
their hands to discover what the weather is like. By-and-bye they
come to a standstill to discuss the immortality of the soul, and
then they are looking silently at the Bull. Neither speaks, but they
begin to move toward the inn at the same time, and its door closes
on them before they know what they are doing. A few minutes
afterward Jinny Dundas, who is Pete's wife, runs straight for the
Bull in her short gown, which is tucked up very high, and emerges
with her husband soon afterward. Jinny is voluble, but Pete says
nothing. Tammas follows later, putting his head out at the door
first, and looking cautiously about him to see if any one is in
sight. Pete is a U.P., and may be left to his fate, but the Auld
Licht minister thinks that, though it be hard work, Tammas is worth
To the Auld Licht of the past there were three degrees of damnation--
auld kirk, playacting, chapel. Chapel was the name always given to the
English Church, of which I am too much an Auld Licht myself to care to
write even now. To belong to the chapel was, in Thrums, to be a Roman
Catholic, and the boy who flung a clod of earth at the English minister-
-who called the Sabbath Sunday--or dropped a "divet" down his chimney
was held to be in the right way. The only pleasant story Thrums could
tell of the chapel was that its steeple once fell. It is surprising that
an English church was ever suffered to be built in such a place; though
probably the county gentry had something to do with it. They travelled
about too much to be good men. Small though Thrums used to be, it had
four kirks in all before the disruption, and then another, which split
into two immediately afterward. The spire of the parish church, known as
the auld kirk, commands a view of the square, from which the entrance to
the kirk-yard would be visible, if it were not hidden by the town-house.
The kirk-yard has long been crammed, and is not now in use, but the
church is sufficiently large to hold nearly all the congregations in
Thrums. Just at the gate lived Pete Todd, the father of Sam'l, a man of
whom the Auld Lichts had reason to be proud. Pete was an every-day man
at ordinary times, and was even said, when his wife, who had been long
ill, died, to have clasped his hands and exclaimed, "Hip, hip, hurrah!"
adding only as an afterthought, "The Lord's will be done." But midsummer
was his great opportunity. Then took place the rouping of the seats in
the parish church. The scene was the kirk itself, and the seats being
put up to auction were knocked down to the highest bidder. This
sometimes led to the breaking of the peace. Every person was present who
was at all particular as to where he sat, and an auctioneer was engaged
for the day. He rouped the kirk-seats like potato-drills, beginning by
asking for a bid. Every seat was put up to auction separately; for some
were much more run after than others, and the men were instructed by
their wives what to bid for. Often the women joined in, and as they bid
excitedly against each other the church rang with opprobrious epithets.
A man would come to the roup late, and learn that the seat he wanted had
been knocked down. He maintained that he had been unfairly treated, or
denounced the local laird to whom the seat-rents went. If he did not get
the seat he would leave the kirk. Then the woman who had forestalled him
wanted to know what he meant by glaring at her so, and the auction was
interrupted. Another member would "thrip down the throat" of the
auctioneer that he had a right to his former seat if he continued to pay
the same price for it. The auctioneer was screamed at for favoring his
friends, and at times the group became so noisy that men and women had
to be forcibly ejected. Then was Pete's chance. Hovering at the gate, he
caught the angry people on their way home and took them into his
workshop by an outside stair. There he assisted them in denouncing the
parish kirk, with the view of getting them to forswear it. Pete made a
good many Auld Lichts in his time out of unpromising material.
Sights were to be witnessed in the parish church at times that could
not have been made more impressive by the Auld Lichts themselves.
Here sinful women were grimly taken to task by the minister, who,
having thundered for a time against adultery in general, called upon
one sinner in particular to stand forth. She had to step forward
into a pew near the pulpit, where, alone and friendless, and stared
at by the congregation, she cowered in tears beneath his
denunciations. In that seat she had to remain during the forenoon
service. She returned home alone, and had to come back alone to her
solitary seat in the afternoon. All day no one dared speak to her.
She was as much an object of contumely as the thieves and smugglers
who, in the end of last century, it was the privilege of Feudal
Bailie Wood (as he was called) to whip round the square.
It is nearly twenty years since the gardeners had their last "walk"
in Thrums, and they survived all the other benefit societies that
walked once every summer. There was a "weavers' walk" and five or
six others, the "women's walk" being the most picturesque. These
were processions of the members of benefit societies through the
square and wynds, and all the women walked in white, to the number
of a hundred or more, behind the Tillie-drum band, Thrums having in
those days no band of its own.
From the northwest corner of the square a narrow street sets off,
jerking this way and that, as if uncertain what point to make for.
Here lurks the post-office, which had once the reputation of being
as crooked in its ways as the street itself.
A railway line runs into Thrums now. The sensational days of the
post-office were when the letters were conveyed officially in a
creaking old cart from Tilliedrum. The "pony" had seen better days
than the cart, and always looked as if he were just on the point of
succeeding in running away from it. Hooky Crewe was driver--so
called because an iron hook was his substitute for a right arm.
Robbie Proctor, the blacksmith, made the hook and fixed it in. Crewe
suffered from rheumatism, and when he felt it coming on he stayed at
home. Sometimes his cart came undone in a snow-drift; when Hooky,
extricated from the fragments by some chance wayfarer, was deposited
with his mail-bag (of which he always kept a grip by the hook) in a
farmhouse. It was his boast that his letters always reached their
destination eventually. They might be a long time about it, but
"slow and sure" was his motto. Hooky emphasized his "slow
and sure" by taking a snuff. He was a godsend to the postmistress, for
to his failings or the infirmities of his gig were charged all delays.
At the time I write of, the posting of the letter took as long and
was as serious an undertaking as the writing. That means a good
deal, for many of the letters were written to dictation by the
Thrums school-master, Mr. Fleemister, who belonged to the Auld Kirk.
He was one of the few persons in the community who looked upon the
despatch of his letters by the post-mistress as his right, and not a
favor on her part; there was a long-standing feud between them
accordingly. After a few tumblers of Widow Stables' treacle-beer--in
the concoction of which she was the acknowledged mistress for miles
around--the schoolmaster would sometimes go the length of hinting
that he could get the post-mistress dismissed any day. This mighty
power seemed to rest on a knowledge of "steamed" letters. Thrums had
a high respect for the school-master; but among themselves the
weavers agreed that, even if he did write to the Government, Lizzie
Harrison, the post-mistress, would refuse to transmit the letter.
The more shrewd ones among us kept friends with both parties; for,
unless you could write "writ-hand," you could not compose a letter
without the school-master's assistance; and, unless Lizzie was so
courteous as to send it to its destination, it might lie--or so it
was thought--much too long in the box. A letter addressed by the
schoolmaster found great disfavor in Lizzie's eyes. You might
explain to her that you had merely called in his assistance because
you were a poor hand at writing yourself, but that was held no
excuse. Some addressed their own envelopes with much labor, and
sought to palm off the whole as their handiwork. It reflects on the
post-mistress somewhat that she had generally found them out by next
day, when, if in a specially vixenish mood, she did not hesitate to
upbraid them for their perfidy.
To post a letter you did not merely saunter to the post-office and
drop it into the box. The cautious correspondent first went into the
shop and explained to Lizzie how matters stood. She kept what she
called a bookseller's shop as well as the post-office; but the supply
of books corresponded exactly to the lack of demand for them, and her
chief trade was in nick-nacks, from marbles and money-boxes up to
concertinas. If he found the post-mistress in an amiable mood, which
was only now and then, the caller led up craftily to the object of
his visit. Having discussed the weather and the potato-disease, he
explained that his sister Mary, whom Lizzie would remember, had married
a fishmonger in Dundee. The fishmonger had lately started on himself
and was doing well. They had four children. The youngest had had a
severe attack of measles. No news had been got of Mary for twelve
months; and Annie, his other sister, who lived in Thrums, had been at
him of late for not writing. So he had written a few lines; and, in
fact, he had the letter with him. The letter was then produced, and
examined by the postmistress. If the address was in the schoolmaster's
handwriting, she professed her inability to read it. Was this a t
or an l or an i? was that a b or a d? This was a cruel
revenge on Lizzie's part; for the sender of the letter was
completely at her mercy. The school-master's name being tabooed in
her presence, he was unable to explain that the writing was not his
own; and as for deciding between the t's and l's, he could not do it.
Eventually he would be directed to put the letter into the box. They
would do their best with it, Lizzie said, but in a voice that suggested
how little hope she had of her efforts to decipher it proving successful.
There was an opinion among some of the people that the letter should
not be stamped by the sender. The proper thing to do was to drop a
penny for the stamp into the box along with the letter, and then
Lizzie would see that it was all right. Lizzie's acquaintance with
the handwriting of every person in the place who could write gave
her a great advantage. You would perhaps drop into her shop some day
to make a purchase, when she would calmly produce a letter you had
posted several days before. In explanation she would tell you that
you had not put a stamp on it, or that she suspected there was money
in it, or that you had addressed it to the wrong place. I remember
an old man, a relative of my own, who happened for once in his life
to have several letters to post at one time. The circumstance was so
out of the common that he considered it only reasonable to make
Lizzie a small present.
Perhaps the post-mistress was belied; but if she did not "steam" the
letters and confide their titbits to favored friends of her own sex,
it is difficult to see how all the gossip got out. The school-master
once played an unmanly trick on her, with the view of catching her
in the act. He was a bachelor who had long been given up by all the
maids in the town. One day, however, he wrote a letter to an
imaginary lady in the county-town, asking her to be his, and going
into full particulars about his income, his age, and his prospects.
A male friend in the secret, at the other end, was to reply, in a
lady's handwriting, accepting him, and also giving personal
particulars. The first letter was written; and an answer arrived in
due course--two days, the school-master said, after date. No other
person knew of this scheme for the undoing of the post-mistress, yet
in a very short time the school-master's coming marriage was the
talk of Thrums. Everybody became suddenly aware of the lady's name,
of her abode, and of the sum of money she was to bring her husband.
It was even noised abroad that the school-master had represented his
age as a good ten years less than it was. Then the school-master
divulged everything. To his mortification, he was not quite
believed. All the proof he could bring forward to support his story
was this: that time would show whether he got married or not.
Foolish man! this argument was met by another, which was accepted at
once. The lady had jilted the school-master. Whether this explanation
came from the post-office, who shall say? But so long as he lived the
school-master was twitted about the lady who threw him over. He took
his revenge in two ways. He wrote and posted letters exceedingly
abusive of the post-mistress. The matter might be libellous; but then,
as he pointed out, she would incriminate herself if she "brought him
up" about it. Probably Lizzie felt his other insult more. By publishing
his suspicions of her on every possible occasion he got a few people to
seal their letters. So bitter was his feeling against her that he was
even willing to supply the wax.
They know all about post-offices in Thrums now, and even jeer at the
telegraph-boy's uniform. In the old days they gathered round him
when he was seen in the street, and escorted him to his destination
in triumph. That, too, was after Lizzie had gone the way of all the
earth. But perhaps they are not even yet as knowing as they think
themselves. I was told the other day that one of them took out a
postal order, meaning to send the money to a relative, and kept the
order as a receipt.
I have said that the town is sometimes full of snow. One frosty
Saturday, seven years ago, I trudged into it from the school-house,
and on the Monday morning we could not see Thrums anywhere.
I was in one of the proud two-storied houses in the place, and could
have shaken hands with my friends without from the upper windows. To
get out of doors you had to walk upstairs. The outlook was a sea of
snow fading into white hills and sky, with the quarry standing out
red and ragged to the right like a rock in the ocean. The Auld Licht
manse was gone, but had left its garden-trees behind, their lean
branches soft with snow. Roofs were humps in the white blanket. The
spire of the Established Kirk stood up cold and stiff, like a
monument to the buried inhabitants.
Those of the natives who had taken the precaution of conveying
spades into their houses the night before, which is my plan at the
school-house, dug themselves out. They hobbled cautiously over the
snow, sometimes sinking into it to their knees, when they stood
still and slowly took in the situation. It had been snowing more or
less for a week, but in a commonplace kind of way, and they had gone
to bed thinking all was well. This night the snow must have fallen
as if the heavens had opened up, determined to shake themselves free
of it for ever.
The man who first came to himself and saw what was to be done was
young Henders Ramsay. Henders had no fixed occupation, being but an
"orra man" about the place, and the best thing known of him is that
his mother's sister was a Baptist. He feared God, man, nor the
minister; and all the learning he had was obtained from assiduous
study of a grocer's window. But for one brief day he had things his
own way in the town, or, speaking strictly, on the top of it. With a
spade, a broom, and a pickaxe, which sat lightly on his broad
shoulders (he was not even back-bent, and that showed him no
respectable weaver), Henders delved his way to the nearest house,
which formed one of a row, and addressed the inmates down the
chimney. They had already been clearing it at the other end, or his
words would have been choked. "You're snawed up, Davit," cried
Henders, in a voice that was entirely business-like; "hae ye a
spade?" A conversation ensued up and down this unusual channel of
communication. The unlucky householder, taking no thought of the
morrow, was without a spade. But if Henders would clear away the
snow from his door he would be "varra obleeged." Henders, however,
had to come to terms first. "The chairge is saxpence, Davit," he
shouted. Then a haggling ensued. Henders must be neighborly. A plate
of broth, now--or, say, twopence. But Henders was obdurate. "I'se
nae time to argy-bargy wi' ye, Davit. Gin ye're no willin' to say
saxpence, I'm aff to Will'um Pyatt's. He's buried too." So the
victim had to make up his mind to one of two things: he must either
say saxpence or remain where he was.
If Henders was "promised," he took good care that no snowed-up
inhabitant should perjure himself. He made his way to a window
first, and, clearing the snow from the top of it, pointed out that
he could not conscientiously proceed further until the debt had been
paid. "Money doon," he cried, as soon as he reached a pane of glass;
or, "Come awa wi' my saxpence noo."
The belief that this day had not come to Henders unexpectedly was
borne out by the method of the crafty callant. His charges varied
from sixpence to half-a-crown, according to the wealth and status of
his victims; and when, later on, there were rivals in the snow, he
had the discrimination to reduce his minimum fee to threepence. He
had the honor of digging out three ministers at one shilling, one
and threepence, and two shillings respectively.
Half a dozen times within the next fortnight the town was re-buried
in snow. This generally happened in the night-time; but the
inhabitants were not to be caught unprepared again. Spades stood
ready to their hands in the morning, and they fought their way above
ground without Henders Ramsay's assistance. To clear the snow from
the narrow wynds and pends, however, was a task not to be attempted;
and the Auld Lichts, at least, rested content when enough light got
into their workshops to let them see where their looms stood. Wading
through beds of snow they did not much mind; but they wondered what
would happen to their houses when the thaw came.
The thaw was slow in coming. Snow during the night and several
degrees of frost by day were what Thrums began to accept as a
revised order of nature. Vainly the Thrums doctor, whose practice
extends into the glens, made repeated attempts to reach his distant
patients, twice driving so far into the dreary waste that he could
neither go on nor turn back. A ploughman who contrived to gallop ten
miles for him did not get home for a week. Between the town, which
is nowadays an agricultural centre of some importance, and the
outlying farms communication was cut off for a month; and I heard
subsequently of one farmer who did not see a human being, unconnected
with his own farm, for seven weeks. The school-house, which I managed
to reach only two days behind time, was closed for a fortnight, and
even in Thrums there was only a sprinkling of scholars.
On Sundays the feeling between the different denominations ran high,
and the middling good folk who did not go to church counted those
who did. In the Established Church there was a sparse gathering, who
waited in vain for the minister. After a time it got abroad that a
flag of distress was flying from the manse, and then they saw that
the minister was storm-stayed. An office-bearer offered to conduct
service; but the others present thought they had done their duty and
went home. The U.P. bell did not ring at all, and the kirk-gates
were not opened. The Free Kirk did bravely, however. The attendance
in the forenoon amounted to seven, including the minister; but in
the afternoon there was a turn-out of upward of fifty. How much
denominational competition had to do with this, none can say; but
the general opinion was that this muster to afternoon service was a
piece of vainglory. Next Sunday all the kirks were on their mettle,
and, though the snow was drifting the whole day, services were
general. It was felt that after the action of the Free Kirk the
Established and the U.P.'s must show what they too were capable of.
So, when, the bells rang-at eleven o'clock and two, church-goers
began to pour out of every close. If I remember aright, the victory
lay with, the U.P.'s by two women and a boy. Of course the Auld
Lichts mustered in as great force as ever. The other kirks never
dreamed of competing with them. What was regarded as a judgment on
the Free Kirk for its boastfulness of spirit on the preceding Sunday
happened during the forenoon. While the service was taking place a
huge clod of snow slipped from the roof and fell right against the
church door. It was some time before the prisoners could make up
their minds to leave by the windows. What the Auld Lichts would have
done in a similar predicament I cannot even conjecture.
That was the first warning of the thaw. It froze again; there was
more snow; the thaw began in earnest; and then the streets were a
sight to see. There was no traffic to turn the snow to slush, and,
where it had not been piled up in walls a few feet from the houses,
it remained in the narrow ways till it became a lake. It tried to
escape through doorways, when it sank, slowly into the floors.
Gentle breezes created a ripple on its surface, and strong winds
lifted it into the air and flung it against the houses. It
undermined the heaps of clotted snow till they tottered like
icebergs and fell to pieces. Men made their way through, it on
stilts. Had a frost followed, the result would have been appalling;
but there was no more frost that winter. A fortnight passed before
the place looked itself again, and even then congealed snow stood
doggedly in the streets, while the country roads were like newly
ploughed fields after rain. The heat from large fires soon
penetrated through roofs of slate and thatch; and it was quite a
common thing for a man to be flattened to the ground by a slithering
of snow from above just as he opened his door. But it had seldom
more than ten feet to fall. Most interesting of all was the novel
sensation experienced as Thrums began to assume its familiar aspect,
and objects so long buried that they had been half forgotten came
back to view and use.
Storm-stead shows used to emphasize the severity of a Thrums winter.
As the name indicates, these were gatherings of travelling booths in
the winter-time. Half a century ago the country was overrun by
itinerant showmen, who went their different ways in summer, but
formed little colonies in the cold weather, when they pitched their
tents in any empty field or disused quarry, and huddled together for
the sake of warmth, not that they got much of it. Not more than five
winters ago we had a storm-stead show on a small scale; but nowadays
the farmers are less willing to give these wanderers a camping-place,
and the people are less easily drawn to the entertainments provided,
by fife and drum. The colony hung together until it was starved out,
when it trailed itself elsewhere. I have often seen it forming. The
first arrival would be what was popularly known as "Sam'l Mann's
Tumbling-Booth," with its tumblers, jugglers, sword-swallowers, and
balancers. This travelling show visited us regularly twice a year:
once in summer for the Muckle Friday, when the performers were gay
and stout, and even the horses had flesh on their bones; and again
in the "back-end" of the year, when cold and hunger had taken the
blood from their faces, and the scraggy dogs that whined at their
side were lashed for licking the paint off the caravans. While the
storm-stead show was in the vicinity the villages suffered from an
invasion of these dogs. Nothing told more truly the dreadful tale of
the showman's life in winter. Sam'l Mann's was a big show, and half
a dozen smaller ones, most of which were familiar to us, crawled in
its wake. Others heard of its whereabouts and came in from distant
parts. There was the well-known Gubbins with his "A' the World in a
Box," a halfpenny peep-show, in which all the world was represented
by Joseph and his Brethren (with pit and coat), the bombardment of
Copenhagen, the Battle of the Nile, Daniel in the Den of Lions, and
Mount Etna in eruption. "Aunty Maggy's Whirligig" could be enjoyed
on payment of an old pair of boots, a collection of rags, or the
like. Besides these and other shows, there were the wandering
minstrels, most of whom were "Waterloo veterans" wanting arms or a
leg. I remember one whose arms had been "smashed by a thunderbolt at
Jamaica." Queer, bent old dames, who superintended "lucky bags" or
told fortunes, supplied the uncanny element, but hesitated to call
themselves witches, for there can still be seen near Thrums the pool
where these unfortunates used to be drowned, and in the session book
of the Glen Quharity kirk can be read an old minute announcing that
on a certain Sabbath there was no preaching because "the minister
was away at the burning of a witch." To the storm-stead shows came
the gypsies in great numbers. Claypots (which is a corruption of
Claypits) was their headquarters near Thrums, and it is still sacred
to their memory. It was a clachan of miserable little huts built
entirely of clay from the dreary and sticky pit in which they had
been flung together. A shapeless hole on one side was the doorway,
and a little hole, stuffed with straw in winter, the window. Some
of the remnants of these hovels still stand. Their occupants, though
they went by the name of gypsies among themselves, were known to the
weavers as the Claypots beggars; and their King was Jimmy Pawse. His
regal dignity gave Jimmy the right to seek alms first when he chose
to do so; thus he got the cream of a place before his subjects set
to work. He was rather foppish in his dress; generally affecting a
suit of gray cloth with showy metal buttons on it, and a broad
blue bonnet. His wife was a little body like himself; and when they
went a-begging, Jimmy with a meal-bag for alms on his back, she
always took her husband's arm. Jimmy was the legal adviser of his
subjects; his decision was considered final on all questions, and
he guided them in their courtships as well as on their death-beds.
He christened their children and officiated at their weddings,
marrying them over the tongs.
The storm-stead show attracted old and young--to looking on from the
outside. In the day-time the wagons and tents presented a dreary
appearance, sunk in snow, the dogs shivering between the wheels, and
but little other sign of life visible. When dusk came the lights
were lit, and the drummer and fifer from the booth of tumblers were
sent into the town to entice an audience. They marched quickly
through, the nipping, windy streets, and then returned with two or
three score of men, women, and children, plunging through the snow
or mud at their heavy heels. It was Orpheus fallen from his high
estate. What a mockery the glare of the lamps and the capers of the
mountebanks were, and how satisfied were we to enjoy it all without
going inside. I hear the "Waterloo veterans" still, and remember
their patriotic outbursts:
On the sixteenth day of June, brave boys, while cannon loud did
We being short of cavalry they pressed on us full sore;
But British steel soon made them yield, though our numbers was but
And death or victory was the word on the plains of Waterloo.
The storm-stead shows often found it easier to sink to rest in a
field than to leave it. For weeks at a time they were snowed up,
sufficiently to prevent any one from Thrums going near them, though
not sufficiently to keep the pallid mummers indoors. That would in
many cases have meant starvation. They managed to fight their way
through storm and snowdrift to the high road and thence to the town,
where they got meal and sometimes broth. The tumblers and jugglers
used occasionally to hire an out-house in the town at these times--you
may be sure they did not pay for it in advance--and give performances
there. It is a curious thing, but true, that our herd-boys and others
were sometimes struck with the stage-fever. Thrums lost boys to the
show-men even in winter.
On the whole, the farmers and the people generally were wonderfully
long-suffering with these wanderers, who I believe were more honest
than was to be expected. They stole, certainly; but seldom did they
steal anything more valuable than turnips. Sam'l Mann himself
flushed proudly over the effect his show once had on an irate
farmer. The farmer appeared in the encampment, whip in hand and
furious. They must get off his land before nightfall. The crafty
showman, however, prevailed upon him to take a look at the acrobats,
and he enjoyed the performance so much that he offered to let them
stay until the end of the week. Before that time came there was such
a fall of snow that departure was out of the question; and it is to
the farmer's credit that he sent Sam'l a bag of meal to tide him and
his actors over the storm.
There were times when the showmen made a tour of the bothies, where
they slung their poles and ropes and gave their poor performances to
audiences that were not critical. The bothy being strictly the
"man's" castle, the farmer never interfered; indeed, he was
sometimes glad to see the show. Every other weaver in Thrums used to
have a son a ploughman, and it was the men from the bothies who
filled the square on the muckly. "Hands" are not huddled together
nowadays in squalid barns more like cattle than men and women, but
bothies in the neighborhood of Thrums are not yet things of the
past. Many a ploughman delves his way to and from them still in all
weathers, when the snow is on the ground; at the time of "hairst,"
and when the turnip "shaws" have just forced themselves through the
earth, looking like straight rows of green needles. Here is a
picture of a bothy of to-day that I visited recently. Over the door
there is a waterspout that has given way, and as I entered I got a
rush of rain down my neck. The passage was so small that one could
easily have stepped from the doorway on to the ladder standing
against the wall, which was there in lieu of a staircase. "Upstairs"
was a mere garret, where a man could not stand erect even in the
centre. It was entered by a square hole in the ceiling, at present
closed by a clap-door in no way dissimilar to the trap-doors on a
theatre stage. I climbed into this garret, which is at present used
as a store-room for agricultural odds and ends. At harvest-time,
however, it is inhabited--full to overflowing. A few decades ago as
many as fifty laborers engaged for the harvest had to be housed in
the farm out-houses on beds of straw. There was no help for it, and
men and women had to congregate in these barns together. Up as early
as five in the morning, they were generally dead tired by night;
and, miserable though this system of herding them together was, they
took it like stoics, and their very number served as a moral
safeguard. Nowadays the harvest is gathered in so quickly, and
machinery does so much that used to be done by hand, that this
crowding of laborers together, which was the bothy system at its
worst, is nothing like what it was. As many as six or eight men,
however, are put up in the garret referred to during "hairst"-time,
and the female laborers have to make the best of it in the barn.
There is no doubt that on many farms the two sexes have still at
this busy time to herd together even at night.
The bothy was but scantily furnished, though it consisted of two
rooms. In the one, which was used almost solely as a sleeping
apartment, there was no furniture to speak of, beyond two closet
beds, and its bumpy earthen floor gave it a cheerless look. The
other, which had a single bed, was floored with wood. It was not
badly lit by two very small windows that faced each other, and,
besides several stools, there was a long form against one of the
walls. A bright fire of peat and coal--nothing in the world makes
such a cheerful red fire as this combination--burned beneath a big
kettle ("boiler" they called it), and there was a "press" or
cupboard containing a fair assortment of cooking utensils. Of these
some belonged to the bothy, while others were the private property
of the tenants. A tin "pan" and "pitcher" of water stood near the
door, and the table in the middle of the room was covered with
Four men and a boy inhabited this bothy, and the rain had driven
them all indoors. In better weather they spend the leisure of the
evening at the game of quoits, which is the standard pastime among
Scottish ploughmen. They fish the neighboring streams, too, and have
burn-trout for supper several times a week. When I entered, two of
them were sitting by the fire playing draughts, or, as they called
it, "the dam-brod." The dam-brod is the Scottish laborer's billiards;
and he often attains to a remarkable proficiency at the game. Wylie,
the champion draught-player, was once a herd-boy; and wonderful
stories are current in all bothies of the times when his master
called him into the farm-parlor to show his skill. A third man, who
seemed the elder by quite twenty years, was at the window reading a
newspaper; and I got no shock when I saw that it was the Saturday
Review, which he and a laborer on an adjoining farm took in weekly
between them. There was a copy of a local newspaper--the People's
Journal--also lying about, and some books, including one of
Darwin's. These were all the property of this man, however, who did
the reading for the bothy.
They did all the cooking for themselves, living largely on milk. In
the old days, which the senior could remember, porridge was so
universally the morning meal that they called it by that name
instead of breakfast. They still breakfast on porridge, but often
take tea "above it." Generally milk is taken with the porridge; but
"porter" or stout in a bowl is no uncommon substitute. Potatoes at
twelve o'clock--seldom "brose" nowadays--are the staple dinner dish,
and the tinned meats have become very popular. There are bothies
where each man makes his own food; but of course the more satisfactory
plan is for them to club together. Sometimes they get their food in
the farm-kitchen; but this is only when there are few of them and the
farmer and his family do not think it beneath them to dine with the
men. Broth, too, may be made in the kitchen and sent down to the bothy.
At harvest time the workers take their food in the fields, when great
quantities of milk are provided. There is very little beer drunk, and
whiskey is only consumed in privacy.
Life in the bothies is not, I should say, so lonely as life at the
school-house, for the hands have at least each other's company. The
hawker visits them frequently still, though the itinerant tailor,
once a familiar figure, has almost vanished. Their great place of
congregating is still some country smiddy, which is also their
frequent meeting-place when bent on black-fishing. The flare of the
black-fisher's torch still attracts salmon to their death in the
rivers near Thrums; and you may hear in the glens on a dark night
the rattle of the spears on the wet stones. Twenty or thirty years
ago, however, the sport was much more common. After the farmer had
gone to bed, some half-dozen ploughmen and a few other poachers from
Thrums would set out for the meeting-place.
The smithy on these occasions must have been a weird sight; though
one did not mark that at the time. The poacher crept from the
darkness into the glaring smithy light; for in country parts the
anvil might sometimes be heard clanging at all hours of the night.
As a rule, every face was blackened; and it was this, I suppose,
rather than the fact that dark nights were chosen, that gave the
gangs the name of black-fishers. Other disguises were resorted to;
one of the commonest being to change clothes or to turn your
corduroys outside in. The country-folk of those days were more
superstitious than they are now, and it did not take much to turn
the black-fishers back. There was not a barn or byre in the district
that had not its horseshoe over the door. Another popular device for
frightening away witches and fairies was to hang bunches of garlic
about the farms. I have known a black-fishing expedition stopped
because a "yellow yite," or yellow-hammer, hovered round the gang
when they were setting out. Still more ominous was the "péat" when
it appeared with one or three companions. An old rhyme about this
bird runs--"One is joy, two is grief, three's a bridal, four is
death." Such snatches of superstition are still to be heard amidst
the gossip of a north-country smithy.
Each black-fisher brought his own spear and torch, both more or less
home-made. The spears were in many cases "gully-knives," fastened to
staves with twine and resin, called "rozet." The torches were very
rough-and-ready things--rope and tar, or even rotten roots dug from
broken trees--in fact, anything that would flare. The black-fishers
seldom journeyed far from home, confining themselves to the rivers
within a radius of three or four miles. There were many reasons for
this: one of them being that the hands had to be at their work on
the farm by five o'clock in the morning: another, that so they
poached and let poach. Except when in spate, the river I specially
refer to offered no attractions to the black-fishers. Heavy rains,
however, swell it much more quickly than most rivers into a turbulent
rush of water; the part of it affected by the black-fishers being
banked in with rocks that prevent the water's spreading. Above these
rocks, again, are heavy green banks, from which stunted trees grow
aslant across the river. The effect is fearsome at some points where
the trees run into each other, as it were, from opposite banks.
However, the black-fishers thought nothing of these things. They
took a turnip lantern with them--that is, a lantern hollowed out of
a turnip, with a piece of candle inside--but no lights were shown
on the road. Every one knew his way to the river blindfold; so that
the darker the night the better. On reaching the water there was a
pause. One or two of the gang climbed the banks to discover if any
bailiffs were on the watch; while the others sat down, and with the
help of the turnip lantern "busked" their spears; in other words,
fastened on the steel--or, it might be, merely pieces of rusty iron
sharpened into a point at home--to the staves. Some had them busked
before they set out, but that was not considered prudent; for of
course there was always a risk of meeting spoil-sports on the way,
to whom the spears would tell a tale that could not be learned from
ordinary staves. Nevertheless little time was lost. Five or six of
the gang waded into the water, torch in one hand and spear in the
other; and the object now was to catch some salmon with the least
possible delay, and hurry away. Windy nights were good for the sport,
and I can still see the river lit up with the lumps of light that a
torch makes in a high wind. The torches, of course, were used to
attract the fish, which came swimming to the sheen, and were then
speared. As little noise as possible was made; but though the men
bit their lips instead of crying out when they missed their fish,
there was a continuous ring of their weapons on the stones, and every
irrepressible imprecation was echoed up and down the black glen. Two
or three of the gang were told off to land the salmon, and they had
to work smartly and deftly. They kept by the side of the spears-man,
and the moment he struck a fish they grabbed at it with their hands.
When the spear had a barb there was less chance of the fish's being
lost; but often this was not the case, and probably not more than
two-thirds of the salmon speared were got safely to the bank. The
takes of course varied; sometimes, indeed, the black-fishers returned
Encounters with the bailiffs were not infrequent, though they seldom
took place at the water's edge. When the poachers were caught in the
act, and had their blood up with the excitement of the sport, they
were ugly customers. Spears were used and heads were broken. Struggles
even took place in the water, when there was always a chance of
somebody's being drowned. Where the bailiffs gave the black-fishers an
opportunity of escaping without a fight it was nearly always taken;
the booty being left behind. As a rule, when the "water watchers," as
the bailiffs were sometimes called, had an inkling of what was to take
place, they reinforced themselves with a constable or two and waited
on the road to catch the poachers on their way home. One black-fisher,
a noted character, was nicknamed the "Deil o' Glen Quharity." He was
said to have gone to the houses of the bailiffs and offered to sell
them the fish stolen from the streams over which they kept guard. The
"Deil" was never imprisoned--partly, perhaps, because he was too
eccentric to be taken seriously.
THE AULD LICHT KIRK.
One Sabbath day in the beginning of the century the Auld Licht minister
at Thrums walked out of his battered, ramshackle, earthen-floored kirk
with a following and never returned. The last words he uttered in it
were: "Follow me to the commonty, all you persons who want to hear the
Word of God properly preached; and James Duphie and his two sons will
answer for this on the Day of Judgment." The congregation, which
belonged to the body who seceded from the Established Church a hundred
and fifty years ago, had split, and as the New Lights (now the U.P.'s)
were in the majority, the Old Lights, with the minister at their head,
had to retire to the commonty (or common) and hold service in the open
air until they had saved up money for a church. They kept possession,
however, of the white manse among the trees. Their kirk has but a
cluster of members now, most of them old and done, but each is equal
to a dozen ordinary churchgoers, and there have been men and women
among them on whom memory loves to linger. For forty years they have
been dying out, but their cold, stiff pews still echo the Psalms of
David, and the Auld Licht kirk will remain open so long as it has one
member and a minister.
The church stands round the corner from the square, with only a
large door to distinguish it from the other buildings in the short
street. Children who want to do a brave thing hit this door with
their fists, when there is no one near, and then run away scared.
The door, however, is sacred to the memory of a white-haired old
lady who, not so long ago, used to march out of the kirk and remain
on the pavement until the psalm which had just been given out was
sung. Of Thrums' pavement it may here be said that when you come,
even to this day, to a level slab you will feel reluctant to leave
it. The old lady was Mistress (which is Miss) Tibbie McQuhatty, and
she nearly split the Auld Licht kirk over "run line." This
conspicuous innovation was introduced by Mr. Dishart, the minister,
when he was young and audacious. The old, reverent custom in the
kirk was for the precentor to read out the psalm a line at a time.
Having then sung that line he read out the next one, led the singing
of it, and so worked his way on to line three. Where run line holds,
however, the psalms is read out first, and forthwith sung. This is
not only a flighty way of doing things, which may lead to greater
scandals, but has its practical disadvantages, for the precentor
always starts singing in advance of the congregation (Auld Lichts
never being able to begin to do anything all at once), and,
increasing the distance with every line, leaves them hopelessly
behind at the finish. Miss McQuhatty protested against this change,
as meeting the devil half way, but the minister carried his point,
and ever after that she rushed ostentatiously from the church the
moment a psalm was given out, and remained behind the door until the
singing was finished, when she returned, with a rustle, to her seat.
Run line had on her the effect of the reading of the Riot Act. Once
some men, capable of anything, held the door from the outside, and
the congregation heard Tibbie rampaging in the passage. Bursting
into the kirk she called the office-bearers to her assistance,
whereupon the minister in miniature raised his voice and demanded
the why and wherefore of the ungodly disturbance. Great was the
hubbub, but the door was fast, and a compromise had to be arrived
at. The old lady consented for once to stand in the passage, but not
without pressing her hands to her ears. You may smile at Tibbie, but
ah! I know what she was at a sick bedside. I have seen her when the
hard look had gone from her eyes, and it would ill become me to
As with all the churches in Thrums, care had been taken to make the
Auld Licht one much too large. The stair to the "laft" or gallery,
which was originally little more than ladder, is ready for you as
soon as you enter the doorway, but it is best to sit in the body of
the kirk. The plate for collections is inside the church, so that
the whole congregation can give a guess at what you give. If it is
something very stingy or very liberal, all Thrums knows of it within
a few hours; indeed, this holds good of all the churches, especially
perhaps of the Free one, which has been called the bawbee kirk,
because so many halfpennies find their way into the plate. On
Saturday nights the Thrums shops are besieged for coppers by
housewives of all denominations, who would as soon think of dropping
a threepenny bit into the plate as of giving nothing. Tammy Todd had
a curious way of tipping his penny into the Auld Licht plate while
still keeping his hand to his side. He did it much as a boy fires a
marble, and there was quite a talk in the congregation the first
time he missed. A devout plan was to carry your penny in your hand
all the way to church, but to appear to take it out of your pocket
on entering, and some plumped it down noisily like men paying their
way. I believe old Snecky Hobart, who was a canty stock but
obstinate, once dropped a penny into the plate and took out a
halfpenny as change, but the only untoward thing that happened to
the plate was once when the lassie from the farm of Curly Bog
capsized it in passing. Mr. Dishart, who was always a ready man,
introduced something into his sermon that day about women's dress,
which every one hoped Christy Lundy, the lassie in question, would
remember. Nevertheless, the minister sometimes came to a sudden stop
himself when passing from the vestry to the pulpit. The passage
being narrow, his rigging would catch in a pew as he sailed down the
aisle. Even then, however, Mr. Dishart remembered that he was not as
White is not a religious color, and the walls of the kirk were of a
dull gray. A cushion was allowed to the manse pew, but merely as a
symbol of office, and this was the only pew in the church that had a
door. It was and is the pew nearest to the pulpit on the minister's
right, and one day it contained a bonnet, which Mr. Dishart's
predecessor preached at for one hour and ten minutes. From the
pulpit, which was swaddled in black, the minister had a fine sweep
of all the congregation except those in the back pews downstairs,
who were lost in the shadow of the laft. Here sat Whinny Webster, so
called because, having an inexplicable passion against them, he
devoted his life to the extermination of whins. Whinny for years ate
peppermint lozenges with impunity in his back seat, safe in the
certainty that the minister, however much he might try, could not
possibly see him. But his day came. One afternoon the kirk smelt of
peppermints, and Mr. Dishart could rebuke no one, for the defaulter
was not in sight. Whinny's cheek was working up and down in quiet
enjoyment of its lozenge, when he started, noticing that the
preaching had stopped. Then he heard a sepulchral voice say "Charles
Webster!" Whinny's eyes turned to the pulpit, only part of which was
visible to him, and to his horror they encountered the minister's
head coming down the stairs. This took place after I had ceased to
attend the Auld Licht kirk regularly; but I am told that as Whinny
gave one wild scream the peppermint dropped from his mouth. The
minister had got him by leaning over the pulpit door until, had he
given himself only another inch, his feet would have gone into the
air. As for Whinny he became a God-fearing man.
The most uncanny thing about the kirk was the precentor's box
beneath the pulpit. Three Auld Licht ministers I have known, but I
can only conceive one precentor. Lang Tammas' box was much too small
for him. Since his disappearance from Thrums I believe they have
paid him the compliment of enlarging it for a smaller man, no doubt
with the feeling that Tammas alone could look like a Christian in
it. Like the whole congregation, of course, he had to stand during
the prayers--the first of which averaged half an hour in length. If
he stood erect his head and shoulders vanished beneath funereal
trappings, when he seemed decapitated, and if he stretched his neck
the pulpit tottered. He looked like the pillar on which it rested,
or he balanced it on his head like a baker's tray. Sometimes he
leaned forward as reverently as he could, and then, with his long,
lean arms dangling over the side of his box, he might have been a
suit of "blacks" hung up to dry. Once I was talking with Cree Queery
in a sober, respectable manner, when all at once a light broke out
on his face. I asked him what he was laughing at, and he said it was
at Lang Tammas. He got grave again when I asked him what there was
in Lang Tammas to smile at, and admitted that he could not tell me.
However, I have always been of opinion that the thought of the
precentor in his box gave Cree a fleeting sense of humor.
Tammas and Hendry Munn were the two paid officials of the church,
Hendry being kirk-officer; but poverty was among the few points they
had in common. The precentor was a cobbler, though he never knew it,
shoemaker being the name in those parts, and his dwelling-room was
also his workshop. There he sat in his "brot," or apron, from early
morning to far on to midnight, and contrived to make his six or
eight shillings a week. I have often sat with him in the darkness
that his "cruizey" lamp could not pierce, while his mutterings to
himself of "ay, ay, yes, umpha, oh ay, ay man," came as regularly
and monotonously as the tick of his "wag-at-the-wa'" clock. Hendry
and he were paid no fixed sum for their services in the Auld Licht
kirk, but once a year there was a collection for each of them, and
so they jogged along. Though not the only kirk-officer of my time
Hendry made the most lasting impression. He was, I think, the only
man in Thrums who did not quake when the minister looked at him. A
wild story, never authenticated, says that Hendry once offered Mr.
Dishart a snuff from his mull. In the streets Lang Tammas was more
stern and dreaded by evil-doers, but Hendry had first place in the
kirk. One of his duties was to precede the minister from the
session-house to the pulpit and open the door for him. Having shut
Mr. Dishart in he strolled away to his seat. When a strange minister
preached, Hendry was, if possible, still more at his ease. This will
not be believed, but I have seen him give the pulpit-door on these
occasions a fling to with his feet. However ill an ordinary member
of the congregation might become in the kirk he sat on till the
service ended, but Hendry would wander to the door and shut it if he
noticed that the wind was playing irreverent tricks with the pages
of Bibles, and proof could still be brought forward that he would
stop deliberately in the aisle to lift up a piece of paper, say,
that had floated there. After the first psalm had been sung it was
Hendry's part to lift up the plate and carry its tinkling contents
to the session-house. On the greatest occasions he remained so calm,
so indifferent, so expressionless, that he might have been present
the night before at a rehearsal.
When there was preaching at night the church was lit by tallow
candles, which also gave out all the artificial heat provided. Two
candles stood on each side of the pulpit, and others were scattered
over the church, some of them fixed into holes on rough brackets,
and some merely sticking in their own grease on the pews. Hendry
superintended the lighting of the candles, and frequently hobbled
through the church to snuff them. Mr. Dishart was a man who could do
anything except snuff a candle, but when he stopped in his sermon to
do that he as often as not knocked the candle over. In vain he
sought to refix it in its proper place, and then all eyes turned to
Hendry. As coolly as though he were in a public hall or place of
entertainment, the kirk-officer arose and, mounting the stair, took
the candle from the minister's reluctant hands and put it right.
Then he returned to his seat, not apparently puffed up, yet perhaps
satisfied with himself; while Mr. Dishart, glaring after him to see
if he was carrying his head high, resumed his wordy way.
Never was there a man more uncomfortably loved than Mr. Dishart.
Easie Haggart, his maid-servant, reproved him at the breakfast
table. Lang Tammas and Sam'l Mealmaker crouched for five successive
Sabbath nights on his manse-wall to catch him smoking (and got him).
Old wives grumbled by their hearths when he did not look in to
despair of their salvation. He told the maidens of his congregation
not to make an idol of him. His session saw him (from behind a
haystack) in conversation with a strange woman, and asked grimly if
he remembered that he had a wife. Twenty were his years when he came
to Thrums, and on the very first Sabbath he knocked a board out of
the pulpit. Before beginning his trial sermon he handed down the big
Bible to the precentor, to give his arms free swing. The
congregation, trembling with exhilaration, probed his meaning. Not a
square inch of paper, they saw, could be concealed there. Mr.
Dishart had scarcely any hope for the Auld Lichts; he had none for
any other denomination. Davit Lunan got behind his handkerchief to
think for a moment, and the minister was on him like a tiger. The
call was unanimous. Davit proposed him.
Every few years, as one might say, the Auld Licht kirk gave way and
buried its minister. The congregation turned their empty pockets
inside out, and the minister departed in a farmer's cart. The scene
was not an amusing one to those who looked on at it. To the Auld
Lichts was then the humiliation of seeing their pulpit "supplied" on
alternate Sabbaths by itinerant probationers or stickit ministers.
When they were not starving themselves to support a pastor the Auld
Lichts were saving up for a stipend. They retired with compressed
lips to their looms, and weaved and weaved till they weaved another
minister. Without the grief of parting with one minister there could
not have been the transport of choosing another. To have had a
pastor always might have made them vain-glorious.
They were seldom longer than twelve months in making a selection,
and in their haste they would have passed over Mr. Dishart and mated
with a monster. Many years have elapsed since Providence flung Mr.
Watts out of the Auld Licht kirk. Mr. Watts was a probationer who
was tried before Mr. Dishart, and, though not so young as might have
been wished, he found favor in many eyes. "Sluggard in the laft,
awake!" he cried to Bell Whamond, who had forgotten herself, and it
was felt that there must be good stuff in him. A breeze from Heaven
exposed him on Communion Sabbath.
On the evening of this solemn day the door of the Auld Licht kirk
was sometimes locked, and the congregation repaired, Bible in hand,
to the commonty. They had a right to this common on the Communion
Sabbath, but only took advantage of it when it was believed that
more persons intended witnessing the evening service than the kirk
would hold. On this day the attendance was always very great.
It was the Covenanters come back to life. To the summit of the slope
a wooden box was slowly hurled by Hendry Munn and others, and round
this the congregation quietly grouped to the tinkle of the cracked
Auld Licht bell. With slow, majestic tread the session advanced upon
the steep common with the little minister in their midst. He had the
people in his hands now, and the more he squeezed them the better
they were pleased. The travelling pulpit consisted of two
compartments, the one for the minister and the other for Lang
Tammas, but no Auld Licht thought that it looked like a Punch and
Judy puppet show. This service on the common was known as the "tent
preaching," owing to a tent's being frequently used instead of the
Mr. Watts was conducting the service on the commonty. It was a fine,
still summer evening, and loud above the whisper of the burn from
which the common climbs, and the labored "pechs" of the listeners,
rose the preacher's voice. The Auld Lichts in their rusty blacks
(they must have been a more artistic sight in the olden days of blue
bonnets and knee-breeches) nodded their heads in sharp approval, for
though they could swoop down on a heretic like an eagle on carrion,
they scented no prey. Even Lang Tammas, on whose nose a drop of
water gathered when he was in his greatest fettle, thought that all
was fair and above-board. Suddenly a rush of wind tore up the
common, and ran straight at the pulpit. It formed in a sieve, and
passed over the heads of the congregation, who felt it as a fan, and
looked up in awe. Lang Tammas, feeling himself all at once grow
clammy, distinctly heard the leaves of the pulpit Bible shiver. Mr.
Watts' hands, outstretched to prevent a catastrophe, were blown
against his side, and then some twenty sheets of closely written
paper floated into the air. There was a horrible, dead silence. The
burn was roaring now. The minister, if such he can be called, shrank
back in his box, and as if they had seen it printed in letters of
fire on the heavens, the congregation realized that Mr. Watts, whom
they had been on the point of calling, read his sermon. He wrote it
out on pages the exact size of those in the Bible, and did not
scruple to fasten these into the Holy Book itself. At theatres a
sullen thunder of angry voices behind the scene represents a crowd
in a rage, and such a low, long-drawn howl swept the common when Mr.
Watts was found out. To follow a pastor who "read" seemed to the
Auld Lichts like claiming heaven on false pretences. In ten minutes
the session alone, with Lang Tammas and Hendry, were on the common.
They were watched by many from afar off, and (when one comes to
think of it now) looked a little curious jumping, like trout at
flies, at the damning papers still fluttering in the air. The
minister was never seen in our parts again, but he is still
remembered as "Paper Watts."
Mr. Dishart in the pulpit was the reward of his upbringing. At ten
he had entered the university. Before he was in his teens he was
practising the art of gesticulation in his father's gallery pew.
From distant congregations people came to marvel at him. He was
never more than comparatively young. So long as the pulpit trappings
of the kirk at Thrums lasted he could be seen, once he was fairly
under way with his sermon, but dimly in a cloud of dust. He
introduced headaches. In a grand transport of enthusiasm he once
flung his arms over the pulpit and caught Lang Tammas on the
forehead. Leaning forward, with his chest on the cushions, he would
pommel the Evil One with both hands, and then, whirling round to the
left, shake his fist at Bell Whamond's neckerchief. With a sudden
jump he would fix Pete Todd's youngest boy catching flies at the
laft window. Stiffening unexpectedly, he would leap three times in
the air, and then gather himself in a corner for a fearsome spring.
When he wept he seemed to be laughing, and he laughed in a paroxysm
of tears. He tried to tear the devil out of the pulpit rails. When
he was not a teetotum he was a windmill. His pump position was the
most appalling. Then he glared motionless at his admiring listeners,
as if he had fallen into a trance with his arm upraised. The
hurricane broke next moment. Nanny Sutie bore up under the shadow of
the windmill--which would have been heavier had Auld Licht ministers
worn gowns--but the pump affected her to tears. She was stone-deaf.
For the first year or more of his ministry an Auld Licht minister
was a mouse among cats. Both in the pulpit and out of it they
watched for unsound doctrine, and when he strayed they took him by
the neck. Mr. Dishart, however, had been brought up in the true way,
and seldom gave his people a chance. In time, it may be said, they
grew despondent, and settled in their uncomfortable pews with all
suspicion of lurking heresy allayed. It was only on such Sabbaths as
Mr. Dishart changed pulpits with another minister that they cocked
their ears and leaned forward eagerly to snap the preacher up.
Mr. Dishart had his trials. There was the split in the kirk, too,
that comes once at least to every Auld Licht minister. He was long
in marrying. The congregation were thinking of approaching him,
through the medium of his servant, Easie Haggart, on the subject of
matrimony; for a bachelor coming on for twenty-two, with an income
of eighty pounds per annum, seemed an anomaly--when one day he took
the canal for Edinburgh and returned with his bride. His people
nodded their heads, but said nothing to the minister. If he did not
choose to take them into his confidence, it was no affair of theirs.
That there was something queer about the marriage, however, seemed
certain. Sandy Whamond, who was a soured man after losing his
eldership, said that he believed she had been an "Englishy"--in
other words, had belonged to the English Church; but it is not
probable that Mr. Dishart would have gone the length of that. The
secret is buried in his grave.
Easie Haggart jagged the minister sorely. She grew loquacious with
years, and when he had company would stand at the door joining in
the conversation. If the company was another minister, she would
take a chair and discuss Mr. Dishart's infirmities with him. The
Auld Lichts loved their minister, but they saw even more clearly
than himself the necessity for his humiliation. His wife made all
her children's clothes, but Sanders Gow complained that she looked
too like their sister. In one week three of the children died, and
on the Sabbath following it rained. Mr. Dishart preached, twice
breaking down altogether and gaping strangely round the kirk (there
was no dust flying that day), and spoke of the rain as angels' tears
for three little girls. The Auld Lichts let it pass, but, as Lang
Tammas said in private (for, of course, the thing was much discussed
at the looms), if you materialize angels in that way, where are you
going to stop?
It was on the fast-days that the Auld Licht kirk showed what it was
capable of, and, so to speak, left all the other churches in Thrums
far behind. The fast came round once every summer, beginning on a
Thursday, when all the looms were hushed, and two services were held
in the kirk of about three hours' length each. A minister from
another town assisted at these times, and when the service ended the
members filed in at one door and out at another, passing on their
way Mr. Dishart and his elders, who dispensed "tokens" at the foot
of the pulpit. Without a token, which was a metal lozenge, no one
could take the sacrament on the coming Sabbath, and many a member
has Mr. Dishart made miserable by refusing him his token for
gathering wild-flowers, say, on a Lord's Day (as testified to by
another member). Women were lost who cooked dinners on the Sabbath,
or took to colored ribbons, or absented themselves from church
without sufficient cause. On the fast-day fists were shaken at Mr.
Dishart as he walked sternly homeward, but he was undismayed. Next
day there were no services in the kirk, for Auld Lichts could not
afford many holidays, but they weaved solemnly, with Saturday and
the Sabbath and Monday to think of. On Saturday service began at two
and lasted until nearly seven. Two sermons were preached, but there
was no interval. The sacrament was dispensed on the Sabbath.
Nowadays the "tables" in the Auld Licht kirk are soon "served," for
the attendance has decayed, and most of the pews in the body of the
church are made use of. In the days of which I speak, however, the
front pews alone were hung with white, and it was in them only the
sacrament was administered. As many members as could get into them
delivered up their tokens and took the first table. Then they made
room for others, who sat in their pews awaiting their turn. What
with tables, the preaching, and unusually long prayers, the service
lasted from eleven to six. At half-past six a two hours' service
began, either in the kirk or on the common, from which no one who
thought much about his immortal soul would have dared (or cared) to
absent himself. A four hours' service on the Monday, which, like
that of the Saturday, consisted of two services in one, but began at
eleven instead of two, completed the programme.
On those days, if you were a poor creature and wanted to acknowledge
it, you could leave the church for a few minutes and return to it,
but the creditable thing was to sit on. Even among the children
there was a keen competition, fostered by their parents, to sit each
other out, and be in at the death.
The other Thrums kirks held the sacrament at the same time, but not
with the same vehemence. As far north from the school-house as
Thrums is south of it, nestles the little village of Quharity, and
there the fast-day was not a day of fasting. In most cases the
people had to go many miles to church. They drove or rode (two on a
horse), or walked in from other glens. Without "the tents,"
therefore, the congregation, with a long day before them, would have
been badly off. Sometimes one tent sufficed; at other times rival
publicans were on the ground. The tents were those in use at the
feeing and other markets, and you could get anything inside them,
from broth made in a "boiler" to the firiest whiskey. They were
planted just outside the kirk-gate--long, low tents of dirty white
canvas--so that when passing into the church or out of it you
inhaled their odors. The congregation emerged austerely from the
church, shaking their heads solemnly over the minister's remarks,
and their feet carried them into the tent. There was no mirth, no
unseemly revelry, but there was a great deal of hard drinking.
Eventually the tents were done away with, but not until the services
on the fast-days were shortened. The Auld Licht ministers were the
only ones who preached against the tents with any heart, and since
the old dominie, my predecessor at the school-house, died, there has
not been an Auld Licht permanently resident in the glen of Quharity.
Perhaps nothing took it out of the Auld Licht males so much as a
christening. Then alone they showed symptoms of nervousness, more
especially after the remarkable baptism of Eppie Whamond. I could
tell of several scandals in connection with the kirk. There was, for
instance, the time when Easie Haggart saved the minister. In a fit
of temporary mental derangement the misguided man had one Sabbath
day, despite the entreaties of his affrighted spouse, called at the
post-office, and was on the point of reading the letter there
received when Easie, who had slipped on her bonnet and followed him,
snatched the secular thing from his hands. There was the story that
ran like fire through Thrums and crushed an innocent man, to the
effect that Pete Todd had been in an Edinburgh theatre countenancing
the play-actors. Something could be made, too, of the retribution
that came to Charlie Ramsay, who woke in his pew to discover that
its other occupant, his little son Jamie, was standing on the seat
divesting himself of his clothes in presence of a horrified
congregation. Jamie had begun stealthily, and had very little on
when Charlie seized him. But having my choice of scandals I prefer
the christening one--the unique case of Eppie Whamond, who was born
late on Saturday night and baptized in the kirk on the following
To the casual observer the Auld Licht always looked as if he were
returning from burying a near relative. Yet when I met him hobbling
down the street, preternaturally grave and occupied, experience
taught me that he was preparing for a christening. How the minister
would have borne himself in the event of a member of his congregation's
wanting the baptism to take place at home it is not easy to say; but I
shudder to think of the public prayers for the parents that would
certainly have followed. The child was carried to the kirk through
rain, or snow, or sleet, or wind; the father took his seat alone in the
front pew, under the minister's eye, and the service was prolonged far
on into the afternoon. But though the references in the sermon to that
unhappy object of interest in the front pew were many and pointed, his
time had not really come until the minister signed to him to advance
as far as the second step of the pulpit stairs. The nervous father
clenched the railing in a daze, and cowered before the ministerial
heckling. From warning the minister passed to exhortation, from
exhortation to admonition, from admonition to searching questioning,
from questioning to prayer and wailing. When the father glanced up,
there was the radiant boy in the pulpit looking as if he would like
to jump down his throat. If he hung his head the minister would ask,
with a groan, whether he was unprepared; and the whole congregation
would sigh out the response that Mr. Dishart had hit it. When he
replied audibly to the minister's uncomfortable questions, a pained
look at his flippancy travelled from the pulpit all round the pews;
and when he only bowed his head in answer, the minister paused sternly,
and the congregation wondered what the man meant. Little wonder that
Davie Haggart took to drinking when his turn came for occupying that
If wee Eppie Whamond's birth had been deferred until the beginning
of the week, or humility had shown more prominently among her
mother's virtues, the kirk would have been saved a painful scandal,
and Sandy Whamond might have retained his eldership. Yet it was a
foolish but wifely pride in her husband's official position that
turned Bell Dundas' head--a wild ambition to beat all baptismal
Among the wives she was esteemed a poor body whose infant did not
see the inside of the kirk within a fortnight of its birth. Forty
years ago it was an accepted superstition in Thrums that the ghosts
of children who had died before they were baptized went wailing and
wringing their hands round the kirk-yard at nights, and that they
would continue to do this until the crack of doom. When the Auld
Licht children grew up, too, they crowed over those of their fellows
whose christening had been deferred until a comparatively late date,
and the mothers who had needlessly missed a Sabbath for long
afterward hung their heads. That was a good and creditable birth
which took place early in the week, thus allowing time for suitable
christening preparations; while to be born on a Friday or a Saturday
was to humiliate your parents, besides being an extremely ominous
beginning for yourself. Without seeking to vindicate Bell Dundas'
behavior, I may note, as an act of ordinary fairness, that, being
the leading elder's wife, she was sorely tempted. Eppie made her
appearance at 9:45 on a Saturday night.
In the hurry and skurry that ensued, Sandy escaped sadly to the
square. His infant would be baptized eight days old--one of the
longest deferred christenings of the year. Sandy was shivering under
the clock when I met him accidentally, and took him home. But by that
time the harm had been done. Several of the congregation had been
roused from their beds to hear his lamentations, of whom the men
sympathized with him, while the wives triumphed austerely over Bell
Dundas. As I wrung poor Sandy's hand, I hardly noticed that a bright
light showed distinctly between the shutters of his kitchen-window;
but the elder himself turned pale and breathed quickly. It was then
fourteen minutes past twelve.
My heart sank within me on the following forenoon, when Sandy
Whamond walked, with a queer twitching face, into the front pew
under a glare of eyes from the body of the kirk and the laft. An
amazed buzz went round the church, followed by a pursing up of lips
and hurried whisperings. Evidently Sandy had been driven to it
against his own judgment. The scene is still vivid before me: the
minister suspecting no guile, and omitting the admonitory stage out
of compliment to the elder's standing; Sandy's ghastly face; the
proud godmother (aged twelve) with the squalling baby in her arms;
the horror of the congregation to a man and woman. A slate fell from
Sandy's house even as he held up the babe to the minister to receive
a "droukin'" of water, and Eppie cried so vigorously that her shamed
godmother had to rush with her to the vestry. Now things are not as
they should be when an Auld Licht infant does not quietly sit out
her first service.
Bell tried for a time to carry her head high; but Sandy ceased to
whistle at his loom, and the scandal was a rolling stone that soon
passed over him. Briefly it amounted to this: that a bairn born
within two hours of midnight on Saturday could not have been ready
for christening at the kirk next day without the breaking of the
Sabbath. Had the secret of the nocturnal light been mine alone all
might have been well; but Betsy Mund's evidence was irrefutable.
Great had been Bell's cunning, but Betsy had outwitted her. Passing
the house on the eventful night, Betsy had observed Marget Dundas,
Bell's sister, open the door and creep cautiously to the window, the
chinks in the outside shutters of which she cunningly closed up with
"tow." As in a flash the disgusted Betsy saw what Bell was up to,
and, removing the tow, planted herself behind the dilapidated dyke
opposite and awaited events. Questioned at a special meeting of the
office-bearers in the vestry, she admitted that the lamp was
extinguished soon after twelve o'clock, though the fire burned
brightly all night. There had been unnecessary feasting during the
night, and six eggs were consumed before breakfast-time. Asked how
she knew this, she admitted having counted the eggshells that Marget
had thrown out of doors in the morning. This, with the testimony of
the persons from whom Sandy had sought condolence on the Saturday
night, was the case for the prosecution. For the defence, Bell
maintained that all preparations stopped when the clock struck
twelve, and even hinted that the bairn had been born on Saturday
afternoon. But Sandy knew that he and his had got a fall. In the
forenoon of the following Sabbath the minister preached from the
text, "Be sure your sin will find you out;" and in the afternoon
from "Pride goeth before a fall." He was grand. In the evening Sandy
tendered his resignation of office, which was at once accepted. Webs
were behind-hand for a week, owing to the length of the prayers
offered up for Bell; and Lang Tammas ruled in Sandy's stead.
LADS AND LASSES.
With the severe Auld Lichts the Sabbath began at six o'clock on
Saturday evening. By that time the gleaming shuttle was at rest,
Davie Haggart had strolled into the village from his pile of stones
in the Whunny road; Hendry Robb, the "dummy," had sold his last
barrowful of "rozetty (resiny) roots" for firewood; and the people,
having tranquilly supped and soused their faces in their water-pails,
slowly donned their Sunday clothes. This ceremony was common to all;
but here divergence set in. The gray Auld Licht, to whom love was not
even a name, sat in his high-backed arm-chair by the hearth, Bible or
"Pilgrim's Progress" in hand, occasionally lapsing into slumber.
But--though, when they got the chance, they went willingly three
times to the kirk--there were young men in the community so flighty
that, instead of dozing at home on Saturday night, they dandered
casually into the square, and, forming into knots at the corners,
talked solemnly and mysteriously of women.
Not even, on the night preceding his wedding was an Auld Licht ever known
to stay out after ten o'clock. So weekly conclaves at street-corners came
to an end at a comparatively early hour, one Coelebs after another
shuffling silently from the square until it echoed, deserted, to the
town-house clock. The last of the gallants, gradually discovering that
he was alone, would look around him musingly, and, taking in the
situation, slowly wend his way home. On no other night of the week was
frivolous talk about the softer sex indulged in, the Auld Lichts being
creatures of habit, who never thought of smiling on a Monday. Long
before they reached their teens they were earning their keep as herds
in the surrounding glens or filling "pirns" for their parents; but they
were generally on the brink of twenty before they thought seriously of
matrimony. Up to that time they only trifled with the other sex's
affections at a distance--filling a maid's water-pails, perhaps, when
no one was looking, or carrying her wob; at the recollection of which
they would slap their knees almost jovially on Saturday night. A wife
was expected to assist at the loom as well as to be cunning in the
making of marmalade and the firing of bannocks, and there was
consequently some heartburning among the lads for maids of skill and
muscle. The Auld Licht, however, who meant marriage seldom loitered
in the streets. By-and-bye there came a time when the clock looked
down through its cracked glass upon the hemmed-in square and saw him
not. His companions, gazing at each other's boots, felt that
something was going on, but made no remark.
A month ago, passing through the shabby, familiar square, I brushed
against a withered old man tottering down the street under a load of
yarn. It was piled on a wheelbarrow, which his feeble hands could
not have raised but for the rope of yarn that supported it from his
shoulders; and though Auld Licht was written on his patient eyes, I
did not immediately recognize Jamie Whamond. Years ago Jamie was a
sturdy weaver and fervent lover, whom I had the right to call my
friend. Turn back the century a few decades, and we are together on
a moonlight night, taking a short cut through the fields from the
farm of Craigiebuckle. Buxom were Craigiebuckle's "dochters," and
Jamie was Janet's accepted suitor. It was a muddy road through damp
grass, and we picked our way silently over its ruts and pools. "I'm
thinkin'," Jamie said at last, a little wistfully, "that I micht hae
been as weel wi' Chirsty." Chirsty was Janet's sister, and Jamie had
first thought of her. Craigiebuckle, however, strongly advised him
to take Janet instead, and he consented. Alack! heavy wobs have
taken all the grace from Janet's shoulders this many a year, though
she and Jamie go bravely down the hill together. Unless they pass
the allotted span of life, the "poors-house" will never know them.
As for bonny Chirsty, she proved a flighty thing, and married a
deacon in the Established Church. The Auld Lichts groaned over her
fall, Craigiebuckle hung his head, and the minister told her sternly
to go her way. But a few weeks afterward Lang Tammas, the chief
elder, was observed talking with her for an hour in Gowrie's close;
and the very next Sabbath Chirsty pushed her husband in triumph into
her father's pew. The minister, though completely taken by surprise,
at once referred to the stranger, in a prayer of great length, as a
brand that might yet be plucked from the burning. Changing his text,
he preached at him; Lang Tammas, the precentor, and the whole
congregation (Chirsty included) sang at him; and before he exactly
realized his position he had become an Auld Licht for life.
Chirsty's triumph was complete when, next week, in broad daylight,
too, the minister's wife called, and (in the presence of Betsy Munn,
who vouches for the truth of the story) graciously asked her to come
up to the manse on Thursday, at 4 P.M., and drink a dish of tea.
Chirsty, who knew her position, of course begged modestly to be
excused; but a coolness arose over the invitation between her and
Janet--who felt slighted--that was only made up at the laying-out of
Chirsty's father-in-law, to which Janet was pleasantly invited.
When they had red up the house, the Auld Licht lassies sat in the
gloaming at their doors on three-legged stools, patiently knitting
stockings. To them came stiff-limbed youths who, with a "Blawy nicht,
Jeanie" (to which the inevitable answer was, "It is so, Cha-rles"),
rested their shoulders on the doorpost, and silently followed with
their eyes the flashing needles. Thus the courtship began--often to
ripen promptly into marriage, at other times to go no farther. The
smooth-haired maids, neat in their simple wrappers, knew they were
on their trial, and that it behoved them to be wary. They had not
compassed twenty winters without knowing that Marget Todd lost Davie
Haggart because she "fittit" a black stocking with brown worsted,
and that Finny's grieve turned from Bell Whamond on account of the
frivolous flowers in her bonnet: and yet Bell's prospects, as I
happen to know, at one time looked bright and promising. Sitting
over her father's peat-fire one night gossiping with him about
fishing-flies and tackle, I noticed the grieve, who had dropped in
by appointment with some ducks' eggs on which Bell's clockin' hen
was to sit, performing some sleight-of-hand trick with his coat-sleeve.
Craftily he jerked and twisted it, till his own photograph (a black
smudge on white) gradually appeared to view. This he gravely slipped
into the hands of the maid of his choice, and then took his departure,
apparently much relieved. Had not Bell's light-headedness driven him
away, the grieve would have soon followed up his gift with an offer
of his hand. Some night Bell would have "seen him to the door," and
they would have stared sheepishly at each other before saying
good-night. The parting salutation given, the grieve would still
have stood his ground, and Bell would have waited with him. At last,
"Will ye hae's, Bell?" would have dropped from his half-reluctant
lips; and Bell would have mumbled, "Ay," with her thumb in her mouth.
"Guid nicht to ye, Bell," would be the next remark--"Guid nicht to
ye, Jeames," the answer; the humble door would close softly, and Bell
and her lad would have been engaged. But, as it was, their attachment
never got beyond the silhouette stage, from which, in the ethics of
the Auld Lichts, a man can draw back in certain circumstances without
loss of honor. The only really tender thing I ever heard an Auld Licht
lover say to his sweetheart was when Gowrie's brother looked softly
into Easie Tamson's eyes and whispered, "Do you swite (sweat)?" Even
then the effect was produced more by the loving cast in Gowrie's eye
than by the tenderness of the words themselves.
The courtships were sometimes of long duration, but as soon as the
young man realized that he was courting he proposed. Cases were not
wanting in which he realized this for himself, but as a rule he had
to be told of it.
There were a few instances of weddings among the Auld Lichts that
did not take place on Friday. Betsy Munn's brother thought to assert
his two coal-carts, about which he was sinfully puffed up, by
getting married early in the week; but he was a pragmatical feckless
body, Jamie. The foreigner from York that Finny's grieve after
disappointing Jinny Whamond took, sought to sow the seeds of strife
by urging that Friday was an unlucky day; and I remember how the
minister, who was always great in a crisis, nipped the bickering in
the bud by adducing the conclusive fact that he had been married on
the sixth day of the week himself. It was a judicious policy on Mr.
Dishart's part to take vigorous action at once and insist on the
solemnization of the marriage on a Friday or not at all, for he best
kept superstition out of the congregation by branding it as heresy.
Perhaps the Auld Lichts were only ignorant of the grieve's lass'
theory because they had not thought of it. Friday's claims, too,
were incontrovertible; for the Saturday's being a slack day gave the
couple an opportunity to put their but and ben in order, and on
Sabbath they had a gay day of it--three times at the kirk. The
honeymoon over, the racket of the loom began again on the Monday.
The natural politeness of the Allardice family gave me my invitation
to Tibbie's wedding. I was taking tea and cheese early one wintry
afternoon with the smith and his wife, when little Joey Todd in his
Sabbath clothes peered in at the passage, and then knocked primly at
the door. Andra forgot himself, and called out to him to come in by;
but Jess frowned him into silence, and, hastily donning her black
mutch, received Willie on the threshold. Both halves of the door
were open, and the visitor had looked us over carefully before
knocking; but he had come with the compliments of Tibbie's mother,
requesting the pleasure of Jess and her man that evening to the
lassie's marriage with Sam'l Todd, and the knocking at the door was
part of the ceremony. Five minutes afterward Joey returned to beg a
moment of me in the passage; when I, too, got my invitation. The lad
had just received, with an expression of polite surprise, though he
knew he could claim it as his right, a slice of crumbling
shortbread, and taken his staid departure, when Jess cleared the
tea-things off the table, remarking simply that it was a mercy we
had not got beyond the first cup. We then retired to dress.
About six o'clock, the time announced for the ceremony, I elbowed my
way through the expectant throng of men, women, and children that
already besieged the smith's door. Shrill demands of "Toss, toss!"
rent the air every time Jess' head showed on the window-blind, and
Andra hoped, as I pushed open the door, "that I hadna forgotten my
bawbees." Weddings were celebrated among the Auld Lichts by showers
of ha'pence, and the guests on their way to the bride's house had to
scatter to the hungry rabble like housewives feeding poultry. Willie
Todd, the best man, who had never come out so strong in his life
before, slipped through the back window, while the crowd, led on by
Kitty McQueen, seethed in front, and making a bolt for it to the
"'Sosh," was back in a moment with a handful of small change. "Dinna
toss ower lavishly at first," the smith whispered me nervously, as
we followed Jess and Willie into the darkening wynd.
The guests were packed hot and solemn in Johnny Allardice's "room:"
the men anxious to surrender their seats to the ladies who happened
to be standing, but too bashful to propose it; the ham and the fish
frizzling noisily side by side but the house, and hissing out every
now and then to let all whom it might concern know that Janet Craik
was adding more water to the gravy. A better woman never lived; but,
oh, the hypocrisy of the face that beamed greeting to the guests as
if it had nothing to do but politely show them in, and gasped next
moment with upraised arms over what was nearly a fall in crockery.
When Janet sped to the door her "spleet new" merino dress fell, to
the pulling of a string, over her home-made petticoat, like the
drop-scene in a theatre, and rose as promptly when she returned to
slice the bacon. The murmur of admiration that filled the room when
she entered with the minister was an involuntary tribute to the
spotlessness of her wrapper and a great triumph for Janet. If there
is an impression that the dress of the Auld Lichts was on all
occasions as sombre as their faces, let it be known that the bride
was but one of several in "whites," and that Mag Munn had only at
the last moment been dissuaded from wearing flowers. The minister,
the Auld Lichts congratulated themselves, disapproved of all such
decking of the person and bowing of the head to idols; but on such
an occasion he was not expected to observe it. Bell Whamond,
however, has reason for knowing that, marriages or no marriages, he
drew the line at curls.
By-and-bye Sam'l Todd, looking a little dazed, was pushed into the
middle of the room to Tibbie's side, and the minister raised his
voice in prayer. All eyes closed reverently, except perhaps the
bridegroom's, which seemed glazed and vacant. It was an open
question in the community whether Mr. Dishart did not miss his
chance at weddings; the men shaking their heads over the comparative
brevity of the ceremony, the women worshipping him (though he never
hesitated to rebuke them when they showed it too openly) for the
urbanity of his manners. At that time, however, only a minister of
such experience as Mr. Dishart's predecessor could lead up to a
marriage in prayer without inadvertently joining the couple; and the
catechizing was mercifully brief. Another prayer followed the union;
the minister waived his right to kiss the bride; every one looked at
every other one as if he had for the moment forgotten what he was on
the point of saying and found it very annoying; and Janet signed
frantically to Willie Todd, who nodded intelligently in reply, but
evidently had no idea what she meant. In time Johnny Allardice, our
host, who became more and more and doited as the night proceeded,
remembered his instructions, and led the way to the kitchen, where
the guests, having politely informed their hostess that they were
not hungry, partook of a hearty tea. Mr. Dishart presided, with the
bride and bridegroom near him; but though he tried to give an
agreeable turn to the conversation by describing the extensions at
the cemetery, his personality oppressed us, and we only breathed
freely when he rose to go. Yet we marvelled at his versatility. In
shaking hands with the newly married couple the minister reminded
them that it was leap-year, and wished them "three hundred and
sixty-six happy and God-fearing days."
Sam'l's station being too high for it, Tibbie did not have a penny
wedding, which her thrifty mother bewailed, penny weddings starting
a couple in life. I can recall nothing more characteristic of the
nation from which the Auld Lichts sprang than the penny wedding,
where the only revellers that were not out of pocket by it were the
couple who gave the entertainment. The more the guests ate and drank
the better, pecuniarily, for their hosts. The charge for admission
to the penny wedding (practically to the feast that followed it)
varied in different districts, but with us it was generally a
shilling. Perhaps the penny extra to the fiddler accounts for the
name penny wedding. The ceremony having been gone through in the
bride's house, there was an adjournment to a barn or other
convenient place of meeting, where was held the nuptial feast; long
white boards from Rob Angus' saw-mill, supported on trestles, stood
in lieu of tables; and those of the company who could not find a
seat waited patiently against the wall for a vacancy. The shilling
gave every guest the free run of the groaning board; but though
fowls were plentiful, and even white bread too, little had been spent
on them. The farmers of the neighborhood, who looked forward to
providing the young people with drills of potatoes for the coming
winter, made a bid for their custom by sending them a fowl gratis
for the marriage supper. It was popularly understood to be the oldest
cock of the farmyard, but for all that it made a brave appearance in
a shallow sea of soup. The fowls were always boiled--without
exception, so far as my memory carries me; the guid-wife never having
the heart to roast them, and so lose the broth. One round of
whiskey-and-water was all the drink to which his shilling entitled
the guest. If he wanted more he had to pay for it. There was much
revelry, with song and dance, that no stranger could have thought
those stiff-limbed weavers capable of; and the more they shouted and
whirled through the barn, the more their host smiled and rubbed his
hands. He presided at the bar improvised for the occasion, and if
the thing was conducted with spirit his bride flung an apron over
her gown and helped him. I remember one elderly bridegroom who,
having married a blind woman, had to do double work at his penny
wedding. It was a sight to see him flitting about the torch-lit
barn, with a kettle of hot water in one hand and a besom to sweep
up crumbs in the other.
Though Sam'l had no penny wedding, however, we made a night of it at
Wedding-chariots were not in those days, though I know of Auld
Lichts being conveyed to marriages nowadays by horses with white
ears. The tea over, we formed in couples, and--the best man with the
bride, the bridegroom with the best maid, leading the way--marched
in slow procession in the moonlight night to Tibbie's new home,
between lines of hoarse and eager onlookers. An attempt was made by
an itinerant musician to head the company with his fiddle; but
instrumental music, even in the streets, was abhorrent to sound Auld
Lichts, and the minister had spoken privately to Willie Todd on the
subject. As a consequence, Peter was driven from the ranks. The last
thing I saw that night, as we filed, bareheaded and solemn, into the
newly married couple's house, was Kitty McQueen's vigorous arm, in a
dishevelled sleeve, pounding a pair of urchins who had got between
her and a muddy ha'penny.
That night there was revelry and boisterous mirth (or what the Auld
Lichts took for such) in Tibbie's kitchen. At eleven o'clock Davit
Lunan cracked a joke. Davie Haggart, in reply to Bell Dundas'
request, gave a song of distinctly secular tendencies. The bride
(who had carefully taken off her wedding-gown on getting home and
donned a wrapper) coquettishly let the bridegroom's father hold her
hand. In Auld Licht circles, when one of the company was offered
whiskey and refused it, the others, as if pained even at the offer,
pushed it from them as a thing abhorred. But Davie Haggart set
another example on this occasion, and no one had the courage to
refuse to follow it. We sat late round the dying fire, and it was
only Willie Todd's scandalous assertion (he was but a boy) about his
being able to dance that induced us to think of moving. In the
community, I understand, this marriage is still memorable as the
occasion on which Bell Whamond laughed in the minister's face.
THE AULD LIGHTS IN ARMS.
Arms and men I sing: douce Jeemsy Todd, rushing from his loom, armed
with a bed-post; Lisbeth Whamond, an avenging whirlwind: Neil
Haggart, pausing in his thank-offerings to smite and slay; the
impious foe scudding up the bleeding Brae-head with Nemesis at their
flashing heels; the minister holding it a nice question whether the
carnage was not justified. Then came the two hours' sermons of the
following Sabbath, when Mr. Dishart, revolving like a teetotum in
the pulpit, damned every bandaged person present, individually and
collectively; and Lang Tammas in the precentor's box with a plaster
on his cheek, included any one the minister might have by chance
omitted, and the congregation, with most of their eyes bunged up,
burst into psalms of praise.
Twice a year the Auld Lichts went demented. The occasion was the
fast-day at Tilliedrum; when its inhabitants, instead of crowding
reverently to the kirk, swooped profanely down in their scores and
tens of scores on our God-fearing town, intent on making a day of
it. Then did the weavers rise as one man, and go forth to show the
ribald crew the errors of their way. All denominations were
represented, but Auld Lichts led. An Auld Licht would have taken no
man's blood without the conviction that he would be the better
morally for the bleeding; and if Tammas Lunan's case gave an impetus
to the blows, it can only have been because it opened wider Auld
Licht eyes to Tilliedrum's desperate condition. Mr. Dishart's
predecessor more than once remarked that at the Creation the devil
put forward a claim for Thrums, but said he would take his chance of
Tilliedrum; and the statement was generally understood to be made on
the authority of the original Hebrew.
The mustard-seed of a feud between the two parishes shot into a tall
tree in a single night, when Davit Lunan's father went to a tattie
roup at Tilliedrum and thoughtlessly died there. Twenty-four hours
afterward a small party of staid Auld Lichts, carrying long white
poles, stepped out of various wynds and closes and picked their
solemn way to the house of mourning. Nanny Low, the widow, received
them dejectedly, as one oppressed by the knowledge that her man's
death at such an inopportune place did not fulfil the promise of his
youth; and her guests admitted bluntly that they were disappointed
in Tammas. Snecky Hobart's father's unusually long and impressive
prayer was an official intimation that the deceased, in the opinion
of the session, sorely needed everything of the kind he could get;
and then the silent driblet of Auld Lichts in black stalked off in
the direction of Tilliedrum. Women left their spinning-wheels and
pirns to follow them with their eyes along the Tenements, and the
minister was known to be holding an extra service at the manse. When
the little procession reached the boundary-line between the two
parishes, they sat down on a dyke and waited.
By-and-bye half a dozen men drew near from the opposite direction,
bearing on poles the remains of Tammas Lunan in a closed coffin. The
coffin was brought to within thirty yards of those who awaited it,
and then roughly lowered to the ground. Its bearers rested morosely
on their poles. In conveying Lunan's remains to the borders of his
own parish they were only conforming to custom; but Thrums and
Tilliedrum differed as to where the boundary-line was drawn, and not
a foot would either advance into the other's territory.
For half a day the coffin lay unclaimed, and the two parties sat
scowling at each other. Neither dared move. Gloaming had stolen into
the valley when Dite Deuchars, of Tilliedrum, rose to his feet and
deliberately spat upon the coffin. A stone whizzed through the air;
and then the ugly spectacle was presented, in the gray night, of a
dozen mutes fighting with their poles over a coffin. There was blood
on the shoulders that bore Tammas' remains to Thrums.
After that meeting Tilliedrum lived for the fast-day. Never,
perhaps, was there a community more given up to sin, and Thrums felt
"called" to its chastisement. The insult to Lunan's coffin, however,
dispirited their weavers for a time, and not until the suicide of
Pitlums did they put much fervor into their prayers. It made new men
of them. Tilliedrum's sins had found it out. Pitlums was a farmer in
the parish of Thrums, but he had been born at Tilliedrum; and Thrums
thanked Providence for that, when it saw him suspended between two
hams from his kitchen rafters. The custom was to cart suicides to
the quarry at the Galla pond and bury them near the cairn that had
supported the gallows; but on this occasion not a farmer in the
parish would lend a cart, and for a week the corpse lay on the
sanded floor as it had been cut down--an object of awestruck
interest to boys who knew no better than to peep through the
darkened window. Tilliedrum bit its lips at home. The Auld Licht
minister, it was said, had been approached on the subject; but,
after serious consideration, did not see his way to offering up a
prayer. Finally old Hobart and two others tied a rope round the
body, and dragged it from the farm to the cairn, a distance of four
miles. Instead of this incident's humbling Tilliedrum into attending
church, the next fast-day saw its streets deserted. As for the
Thrums Auld Lichts, only heavy wobs prevented their walking erect
like men who had done their duty. If no prayer was volunteered for
Pitlums before his burial, there was a great deal of psalm-singing
By early morn on their fast-day the Tilliedrummers were straggling
into Thrums, and the weavers, already at their looms, read the
clattering of feet and carts aright. To convince themselves, all
they had to do was to raise their eyes; but the first triumph would
have been to Tilliedrum if they had done that. The invaders--the men
in Aberdeen blue serge coats, velvet knee-breeches, and broad blue
bonnets, and the wincey gowns of the women set off with hooded
cloaks of red or tartan--tapped at the windows and shouted
insultingly as they passed; but, with pursed lips, Thrums bent
fiercely over its wobs, and not an Auld Licht showed outside his
door. The day wore on to noon, and still ribaldry was master of the
wynds. But there was a change inside the houses. The minister had
pulled down his blinds; moody men had left their looms for stools by
the fire; there were rumors of a conflict in Andra Gowrie's close,
from which Kitty McQueen had emerged with her short gown in rags;
and Lang Tammas was going from door to door. The austere precentor
admonished fiery youth to beware of giving way to passion; and it
was a proud day for the Auld Lichts to find their leading elder so
conversant with apt Scripture texts. They bowed their heads
reverently while he thundered forth that those who lived by the
sword would perish by the sword; and when he had finished they took
him ben to inspect their bludgeons. I have a vivid recollection of
going the round of the Auld Licht and other houses to see the sticks
and the wrists in coils of wire.
A stranger in the Tenements in the afternoon would have noted more
than one draggled youth in holiday attire, sitting on a doorstep
with a wet cloth to his nose; and, passing down the commonty, he
would have had to step over prostrate lumps of humanity from which
all shape had departed. Gavin Ogilvy limped heavily after his
encounter with Thrummy Tosh--a struggle that was looked forward to
eagerly as a bi-yearly event; Christy Davie's development of muscle
had not prevented her going down before the terrible onslaught of
Joe the miller, and Lang Tammas' plasters told a tale. It was in the
square that the two parties, leading their maimed and blind, formed
in force; Tilliedrum thirsting for its opponents' blood, and Thrums
humbly accepting the responsibility of punching the fast-day
breakers into the ways of rectitude. In the small, ill-kept square
the invaders, to the number of about a hundred, were wedged together
at its upper end, while the Thrums people formed in a thick line at
the foot. For its inhabitants the way to Tilliedrum lay through this
threatening mass of armed weavers. No words were bandied between the
two forces; the centre of the square was left open, and nearly every
eye was fixed on the town-house clock. It directed operations and
gave the signal to charge. The moment six o'clock struck, the upper
mass broke its bonds and flung itself on the living barricade. There
was a clatter of heads and sticks, a yelling and a groaning, and
then the invaders, bursting through the opposing ranks, fled for
Tilliedrum. Down the Tanage brae and up the Brae-head they skurried,
half a hundred avenging spirits in pursuit. On the Tilliedrum fast-day
I have tasted blood myself. In the godless place there is no Auld Licht
kirk, but there are two Auld Lichts in it now who walk to Thrums to
church every Sabbath, blow or rain as it lists. They are making their
influence felt in Tilliedrum.
The Auld Lichts also did valorous deeds at the Battle of Cabbylatch.
The farm land so named lies a mile or more to the south of Thrums.
You have to go over the rim of the cut to reach it. It is low-lying
and uninteresting to the eye, except for some giant stones scattered
cold and naked through the fields. No human hands reared these
bowlders, but they might be looked upon as tombstones to the heroes
who fell (to rise hurriedly) on the plain of Cabbylatch.
The fight of Cabbylatch belongs to the days of what are now but
dimly remembered as the Meal Mobs. Then there was a wild cry all
over the country for bread (not the fine loaves that we know, but
something very much coarser), and hungry men and women, prematurely
shrunken, began to forget the taste of meal. Potatoes were their
chief sustenance, and, when the crop failed, starvation gripped
them. At that time the farmers, having control of the meal, had the
small towns at their mercy, and they increased its cost. The price
of the meal went up and up, until the famishing people swarmed up
the sides of the carts in which it was conveyed to the towns, and,
tearing open the sacks, devoured it in handfuls. In Thrums they had
a stern sense of justice, and for a time, after taking possession of
the meal, they carried it to the square and sold it at what they
considered a reasonable price. The money was handed over to the
farmers. The honesty of this is worth thinking about, but it seems
to have only incensed the farmers the more; and when they saw that
to send their meal to the town was not to get high prices for it,
they laid their heads together and then gave notice that the people
who wanted meal and were able to pay for it must come to the farms.
In Thrums no one who cared to live on porridge and bannocks had
money to satisfy the farmers; but, on the other hand, none of them
grudged going for it, and go they did. They went in numbers from
farm to farm, like bands of hungry rats, and throttled the
opposition they not infrequently encountered. The raging farmers at
last met in council, and, noting that they were lusty men and brave,
resolved to march in armed force upon the erring people and burn
their town. Now we come to the Battle of Cabbylatch.
The farmers were not less than eighty strong, and chiefly consisted
of cavalry. Armed with pitchforks and cumbrous scythes where they
were not able to lay their hands on the more orthodox weapons of
war, they presented a determined appearance; the few foot-soldiers
who had no cart-horses at their disposal bearing in their arms
bundles of firewood. One memorable morning they set out to avenge
their losses; and by and by a halt was called, when each man bowed
his head to listen. In Thrums, pipe and drum were calling the
inhabitants to arms. Scouts rushed in with the news that the farmers
were advancing rapidly upon the town, and soon the streets were
clattering with feet. At that time Thrums had its piper and drummer
(the bellman of a later and more degenerate age); and on this
occasion they marched together through the narrow wynds, firing the
blood of haggard men and summoning them to the square. According to
my informant's father, the gathering of these angry and startled
weavers, when he thrust his blue bonnet on his head and rushed out
to join them, was an impressive and solemn spectacle. That bloodshed
was meant there can be no doubt; for starving men do not see the
ludicrous side of things. The difference between the farmers and the
town had resolved itself into an ugly and sullen hate, and the
wealthier townsmen who would have come between the people and the
bread were fiercely pushed aside. There was no nominal leader, but
every man in the ranks meant to fight for himself and his
belongings; and they are said to have sallied out to meet the foe in
no disorder. The women they would fain have left behind them; but
these had their own injuries to redress, and they followed in their
husbands' wake carrying bags of stones. The men, who were of various
denominations, were armed with sticks, blunderbusses, anything they
could snatch up at a moment's notice; and some of them were not
unacquainted with fighting. Dire silence prevailed among the men,
but the women shouted as they ran, and the curious army moved
forward to the drone and squall of drum and pipe. The enemy was
sighted on the level land of Cabbylatch, and here, while the
intending combatants glared at each other, a well-known local
magnate galloped his horse between them and ordered them in the name
of the king to return to their homes. But for the farmers that meant
further depredation at the people's hands, and the townsmen would
not go back to their gloomy homes to sit down and wait for sunshine.
Soon stones (the first, it is said, cast by a woman) darkened the
air. The farmers got the word to charge, but their horses, with the
best intentions, did not know the way. There was a stampeding in
different directions, a blind rushing of one frightened steed
against another; and then the townspeople, breaking any ranks they
had hitherto managed to keep, rushed vindictively forward. The
struggle at Cabbylatch itself was not of long duration; for their
own horses proved the farmers' worst enemies, except in the cases
where these sagacious animals took matters into their own ordering
and bolted judiciously for their stables. The day was to Thrums.
Individual deeds of prowess were done that day. Of these not the
least fondly remembered by her descendants were those of the gallant
matron who pursued the most obnoxious farmer in the district even to
his very porch with heavy stones and opprobrious epithets. Once when
he thought he had left her far behind did he alight to draw breath
and take a pinch of snuff, and she was upon him like a flail. With a
terror stricken cry he leaped once more upon his horse and fled, but
not without leaving his snuff-box in the hands of the derisive
enemy. Meggy has long gone to the kirk-yard, but the snuff-mull is
Some ugly cuts were given and received, and heads as well as ribs
were broken; but the townsmen's triumph was short-lived. The
ringleaders were whipped through the streets of Perth, as a warning
to persons thinking of taking the law into their own hands; and all
the lasting consolation they got was that, some time afterward, the
chief witness against them, the parish minister, met with a
mysterious death. They said it was evidently the hand of God; but
some people looked suspiciously at them when they said it.
THE OLD DOMINIE.
From the new cemetery, which is the highest point in Thrums, you
just fail to catch sight of the red school-house that nestles
between two bare trees, some five miles up the glen of Quharity.
This was proved by Davit Lunan, tinsmith, whom I have heard tell the
story. It was in the time when the cemetery gates were locked to
keep the bodies of suicides out, but men who cared to risk the
consequences could get the coffin over the high dyke and bury it
themselves. Peter Lundy's coffin broke, as one might say, into the
church-yard in this way, Peter having hanged himself in the Whunny
wood when he saw that work he must. The general feeling among the
intimates of the deceased was expressed by Davit when he said:
"It may do the crittur nae guid i' the tail o' the day, but he paid
for's bit o' ground, an' he's in's richt to occupy it."
The custom was to push the coffin on to the wall up a plank, and
then let it drop less carefully into the cemetery. Some of the
mourners were dragging the plank over the wall, with Davit Lunan on
the top directing them, when they seem to have let go and sent the
tinsmith suddenly into the air. A week afterward it struck Davit,
when in the act of soldering a hole in Leeby Wheens' flagon (here he
branched off to explain that he had made the flagon years before,
and that Leeby was sister to Tammas Wheens, and married one Baker
Robbie, who died of chicken-pox in his forty-fourth year), that when
"up there" he had a view of Quharity school-house. Davit was as
truthful as a man who tells the same story more than once can be
expected to be, and it is far from a suspicious circumstance that he
did not remember seeing the school-house all at once. In Thrums
things only struck them gradually. The new cemetery, for instance,
was only so called because it had been new once.
In this red stone school, full of the modern improvements that he
detested, the old dominie whom I succeeded taught, and sometimes
slept, during the last five years of his cantankerous life. It was
in a little thatched school, consisting of but one room, that he did
his best work, some five hundred yards away from the edifice that
was reared in its stead. Now dismally fallen into disrepute, often
indeed a domicile for cattle, the ragged academy of Glen Quharity,
where he held despotic sway for nearly half a century, is falling to
pieces slowly in a howe that conceals it from the high-road. Even in
its best scholastic days, when it sent barefooted lads to college
who helped to hasten the Disruption, it was but a pile of ungainly
stones, such as Scott's Black Dwarf flung together in a night, with
holes in its broken roof of thatch where the rain trickled through,
and never with less than two of its knotted little window-panes
stopped with brown paper. The twelve or twenty pupils of both sexes
who constituted the attendance sat at the two loose desks, which
never fell unless you leaned on them, with an eye on the corner of
the earthen floor where the worms came out, and on cold days they
liked the wind to turn the peat smoke into the room. One boy, who
was supposed to wash it out, got his education free for keeping the
school-house dirty, and the others paid their way with peats, which
they brought in their hands, just as wealthier school-children carry
books, and with pence which the dominie collected regularly every
Monday morning. The attendance on Monday mornings was often small.
Once a year the dominie added to his income by holding cockfights in
the old school. This was at Yule, and the same practice held in the
parish school of Thrums. It must have been a strange sight. Every
male scholar was expected to bring a cock to the school, and to pay
a shilling to the dominie for the privilege of seeing it killed
there. The dominie was the master of the sports, assisted by the
neighboring farmers, some of whom might be elders of the church.
Three rounds were fought. By the end of the first round all the
cocks had fought, and the victors were then pitted against each
other. The cocks that survived the second round were eligible for
the third, and the dominie, besides his shilling, got every cock
killed. Sometimes, if all stories be true, the spectators were
fighting with each other before the third round concluded.
The glen was but sparsely dotted with houses even in those days; a
number of them inhabited by farmer-weavers, who combined two trades
and just managed to live. One would have a plough, another a horse,
and so in Glen Quharity they helped each other. Without a loom in
addition many of them would have starved, and on Saturdays the big
farmer and his wife, driving home in a gig, would pass the little
farmer carrying or wheeling his wob to Thrums. When there was no
longer a market for the produce of the hand-loom these farms had to
be given up, and thus it is that the old school is not the only
house in our weary glen around which gooseberry and currant bushes,
once tended by careful hands, now grow wild.
In heavy spates the children were conveyed to the old school, as
they are still to the new one, in carts, and between it and the
dominie's whitewashed, dwelling-house swirled in winter a torrent of
water that often carried lumps of the land along with it. This burn
he had at times to ford on stilts.
Before the Education Act passed the dominie was not much troubled by
the school inspector, who appeared in great splendor every year at
Thrums. Fifteen years ago, however, Glen Quharity resolved itself
into a School Board, and marched down the glen, with the minister at
its head, to condemn the school. When the dominie, who had heard of
their design, saw the board approaching, he sent one of his
scholars, who enjoyed making a mess of himself, wading across the
burn to bring over the stilts which were lying on the other side.
The board were thus unable to send across a spokesman, and after
they had harangued the dominie, who was in the best of tempers, from
the wrong side of the stream, the siege was raised by their
returning home, this time with the minister in the rear. So far as
is known, this was the only occasion on which the dominie ever
lifted his hat to the minister. He was the Established Church
minister at the top of the glen, but the dominie was an Auld Licht,
and trudged into Thrums to church nearly every Sunday with his
The farm of Little Tilly lay so close to the dominie's house that from
one window he could see through a telescope whether the farmer was
going to church, owing to Little Tilly's habit of never shaving except
with that intention, and of always doing it at a looking-glass which
he hung on a nail in his door. The farmer was Established Church, and
when the dominie saw him in his shirt-sleeves with a razor in his hand,
he called for his black clothes. If he did not see him it is undeniable
that the dominie sent his daughter to Thrums, but remained at home
himself. Possibly, therefore, the dominie sometimes went to church,
because he did not want to give Little Tilly and the Established
minister the satisfaction of knowing that he was not devout today,
and it is even conceivable that had Little Tilly had a telescope and an
intellect as well as his neighbor, he would have spied on the dominie
in return. He sent the teacher a load of potatoes every year, and the
recipient rated him soundly if they did not turn out as well as the
ones he had got the autumn before. Little Tilly was rather in awe of
the dominie, and had an idea that he was a Freethinker, because he
played the fiddle and wore a black cap.
The dominie was a wizened-looking little man, with sharp eyes that
pierced you when they thought they were unobserved, and if any
visitor drew near who might be a member of the board, he disappeared
into his house much as a startled weasel makes for its hole. The
most striking thing about him was his walk, which to the casual
observer seemed a limp. The glen in our part is marshy, and to
progress along it you have to jump from one little island of grass
or heather to another. Perhaps it was this that made the dominie
take the main road and even the streets of Thrums in leaps, as if
there were bowlders or puddles in the way. It is, however, currently
believed among those who knew him best that he jerked himself along
in that way when he applied for the vacancy in Glen Quharity school,
and that he was therefore chosen from among the candidates by the
committee of farmers, who saw that he was specially constructed for
In the spring the inspector was sent to report on the school, and,
of course, he said, with a wave of his hand, that this would never
do. So a new school was built, and the ramshackle little academy
that had done good service in its day was closed for the last time.
For years it had been without a lock; ever since a blatter of wind
and rain drove the door against the fire-place. After that it was
the dominie's custom, on seeing the room cleared, to send in a smart
boy--a dux was always chosen--who wedged a clod of earth or peat
between doorpost and door. Thus the school was locked up for the
night. The boy came out by the window, where he entered to open the
door next morning. In time grass hid the little path from view that
led to the old school, and a dozen years ago every particle of wood
about the building, including the door and the framework of the
windows, had been burned by travelling tinkers.
The board would have liked to leave the dominie in his whitewashed
dwelling-house to enjoy his old age comfortably, and until he
learned that he had intended to retire. Then he changed his tactics
and removed his beard. Instead of railing at the new school, he
began to approve of it, and it soon came to the ears of the
horrified Established minister, who had a man (Established) in his
eye for the appointment, that the dominie was looking ten years
younger. As he spurned a pension he had to get the place, and then
began a warfare of bickerings between the board and him that lasted
until within a few weeks of his death. In his scholastic barn the
dominie had thumped the Latin grammar into his scholars till they
became university bursars to escape him. In the new school, with
maps (which he hid in the hen-house) and every other modern
appliance for making teaching easy, he was the scandal of the glen.
He snapped at the clerk of the board's throat, and barred his door
in the minister's face. It was one of his favorite relaxations to
peregrinate the district, telling the farmers who were not on the
board themselves, but were given to gossiping with those who were,
that though he could slumber pleasantly in the school so long as the
hum of the standards was kept up, he immediately woke if it ceased.
Having settled himself in his new quarters, the dominie seems to
have read over the code and come at once to the conclusion that it
would be idle to think of straightforwardly fulfilling its
requirements. The inspector he regarded as a natural enemy, who was
to be circumvented by much guile. One year that admirable Oxford don
arrived at the school, to find that all the children, except two
girls--one of whom had her face tied up with red flannel--were away
for the harvest. On another occasion the dominie met the inspector's
trap some distance from the school, and explained that he would
guide him by a short cut, leaving the driver to take the dog-cart to
a farm where it could be put up. The unsuspecting inspector agreed,
and they set off, the obsequious dominie carrying his bag. He led
his victim into another glen, the hills round which had hidden their
heads in mist, and then slyly remarked that he was afraid they had
lost their way. The minister, who liked to attend the examination,
reproved the dominie for providing no luncheon, but turned pale when
his enemy suggested that he should examine the boys in Latin.
For some reason that I could never discover, the dominie had all his
life refused to teach his scholars geography. The inspector and many
others asked him why there was no geography class, and his
invariable answer was to point to his pupils collectively, and reply
in an impressive whisper:
"They winna hae her."
This story, too, seems to reflect against the dominie's views on
cleanliness. One examination day the minister attended to open the
inspection with prayer. Just as he was finishing, a scholar entered
who had a reputation for dirt.
"Michty!" cried a little pupil, as his opening eyes fell on the
apparition at the door, "there's Jocky Tamson wi' his face washed!"
When the dominie was a younger man he had first clashed with the
minister during Mr. Rattray's attempts to do away with some old
customs that were already dying by inches. One was the selection of
a queen of beauty from among the young women at the annual Thrums
fair. The judges, who were selected from the better-known farmers as
a rule, sat at the door of a tent that reeked of whiskey, and
regarded the competitors filing by much as they selected prize
sheep, with a stolid stare. There was much giggling and blushing on
these occasions among the maidens, and shouts from their relatives
and friends to "Haud yer head up, Jean," and "Lat them see yer een,
Jess." The dominie enjoyed this, and was one time chosen, a judge,
when he insisted on the prize's being bestowed on his own daughter,
Marget. The other judges demurred, but the dominie remained firm and
won the day.
"She wasna the best-faured amon them," he admitted afterward, "but a
man maun mak the maist o' his ain."
The dominie, too, would not shake his head with Mr. Rattray over the
apple and loaf bread raffles in the smithy, nor even at the Daft
Days, the black week of glum debauch that ushered in the year, a
period when the whole countryside rumbled to the farmers' "kebec"
For the great part of his career the dominie had not made forty
pounds a year, but he "died worth" about three hundred pounds. The
moral of his life came in just as he was leaving it, for he rose
from his death-bed to hide a whiskey-bottle from his wife.
CREE QUEERY AND MYSY DROLLY.
The children used to fling stones at Grinder Queery because he loved
his mother. I never heard the Grinder's real name. He and his mother
were Queery and Drolly, contemptuously so called, and they answered
to these names. I remember Cree best as a battered old weaver, who
bent forward as he walked, with his arms hanging limp as if ready to
grasp the shafts of the barrow behind which it was his life to
totter up hill and down hill, a rope of yarn suspended round his
shaking neck and fastened to the shafts, assisting him to bear the
yoke and slowly strangling him. By and by there came a time when the
barrow and the weaver seemed both palsy-stricken, and Cree, gasping
for breath, would stop in the middle of a brae, unable to push his
load over a stone. Then he laid himself down behind it to prevent
the barrow's slipping back. On those occasions only the barefooted
boys who jeered at the panting weaver could put new strength into
his shrivelled arms. They did it by telling him that he and Mysy
would have to go to the "poorshouse" after all, at which the gray
old man would wince, as if "joukin" from a blow, and, shuddering,
rise and, with a desperate effort, gain the top of the incline.
Small blame perhaps attached to Cree if, as he neared his grave, he
grew a little dottle. His loads of yarn frequently took him past the
workhouse, and his eyelids quivered as he drew near. Boys used to
gather round the gate in anticipation of his coming, and make a
feint of driving him inside. Cree, when he observed them, sat down
on his barrow-shafts terrified to approach, and I see them now
pointing to the workhouse till he left his barrow on the road and
hobbled away, his legs cracking as he ran.
It is strange to know that there was once a time when Cree was young
and straight, a callant who wore a flower in his button-hole and
tried to be a hero for a maiden's sake.
Before Cree settled down as a weaver, he was knife and scissor
grinder for three counties, and Mysy, his mother, accompanied him
wherever he went. Mysy trudged alongside him till her eyes grew dim
and her limbs failed her, and then Cree was told that she must be
sent to the pauper's home. After that a pitiable and beautiful sight
was to be seen. Grinder Queery, already a feeble man, would wheel
his grindstone along the long high-road, leaving Mysy behind. He
took the stone on a few hundred yards, and then, hiding it by the
roadside in a ditch or behind a paling, returned for his mother. Her
he led--sometimes he almost carried her--to the place where the
grindstone lay, and thus by double journeys kept her with him. Every
one said that Mysy's death would be a merciful release--every one
Cree had been a grinder from his youth, having learned the trade
from his father, but he gave it up when Mysy became almost blind.
For a time he had to leave her in Thrums with Dan'l Wilkie's wife,
and find employment himself in Tilliedrum. Mysy got me to write
several letters for her to Cree, and she cried while telling me what
to say. I never heard either of them use a term of endearment to the
other, but all Mysy could tell me to put in writing was: "Oh, my son
Cree; oh, my beloved son; oh, I have no one but you; oh, thou God
watch over my Cree!" On one of these occasions Mysy put into my
hands a paper, which she said would perhaps help me to write the
letter. It had been drawn up by Cree many years before, when he and
his mother had been compelled to part for a time, and I saw from it
that he had been trying to teach Mysy to write. The paper consisted
of phrases such as "Dear son Cree," "Loving mother," "I am takin' my
food weel," "Yesterday," "Blankets," "The peats is near done," "Mr.
Dishart," "Come home, Cree." The grinder had left this paper with
his mother, and she had written letters to him from it.
When Dan'l Wilkie objected to keeping a cranky old body like Mysy in
his house, Cree came back to Thrums and took a single room with a
hand-loom in it. The flooring was only lumpy earth, with sacks spread
over it to protect Mysy's feet. The room contained two dilapidated
old coffin-beds, a dresser, a high-backed arm-chair, several
three-legged stools, and two tables, of which one could be packed
away beneath the other. In one corner stood the wheel at which Cree
had to fill his own pirns. There was a plate-rack on one wall, and
near the chimney-piece hung the wag-at-the-wall clock, the time-piece
that was commonest in Thrums at that time, and that got this name
because its exposed pendulum swung along the wall. The two windows in
the room faced each other on opposite walls, and were so small that
even a child might have stuck in trying to crawl through them. They
opened on hinges, like a door. In the wall of the dark passage leading
from the outer door into the room was a recess where a pan and pitcher
of water always stood wedded, as it were, and a little hole, known as
the "bole," in the wall opposite the fire-place contained Cree's
library. It consisted of Baxter's "Saints' Rest," Harvey's "Meditations,"
the "Pilgrim's Progress," a work on folk-lore, and several Bibles. The
saut-backet, or salt-bucket, stood at the end of the fender, which
was half of an old cart-wheel. Here Cree worked, whistling "Ower the
watter for Chairlie" to make Mysy think that he was as gay as a mavis.
Mysy grew querulous in her old age, and up to the end she thought of
poor, done Cree as a handsome gallant. Only by weaving far on into the
night could Cree earn as much as six shillings a week. He began at six
o'clock in the morning, and worked until midnight by the light of his
cruizey. The cruizey was all the lamp Thrums had in those days, though
it is only to be seen in use now in a few old-world houses in the
glens. It is an ungainly thing in iron, the size of a man's palm, and
shaped not unlike the palm when contracted and deepened to hold a
liquid. Whale-oil, lying open in the mould, was used, and the wick was
a rash with the green skin peeled off. These rashes were sold by
herd-boys at a halfpenny the bundle, but Cree gathered his own wicks.
The rashes skin readily when you know how to do it. The iron mould was
placed inside another of the same shape, but slightly larger, for in
time the oil dripped through the iron, and the whole was then hung
by a cleek or hook close to the person using it. Even with three
wicks it gave but a stime of light, and never allowed the weaver to
see more than the half of his loom at a time. Sometimes Cree used
threads for wicks. He was too dull a man to have many visitors, but
Mr. Dishart called occasionally and reproved him for telling his
mother lies. The lies Cree told Mysy were that he was sharing the
meals he won for her, and that he wore the overcoat which he had
exchanged years before for a blanket to keep her warm.
There was a terrible want of spirit about Grinder Queery. Boys used
to climb on to his stone roof with clods of damp earth in their hands,
which they dropped down the chimney. Mysy was bedridden by this time,
and the smoke threatened to choke her; so Cree, instead of chasing
his persecutors, bargained with them. He gave them fly-hooks which
he had busked himself, and when he had nothing left to give he tried
to flatter them into dealing gently with Mysy by talking to them as
men. One night it went through the town that Mysy now lay in bed all
day listening for her summons to depart. According to her ideas this
would come in the form of a tapping at the window, and their intention
was to forestall the spirit. Dite Gow's boy, who is now a grown man,
was hoisted up to one of the little windows, and he has always thought
of Mysy since as he saw her then for the last time. She lay sleeping,
so far as he could see, and Cree sat by the fireside looking at her.
Every one knew that there was seldom a fire in that house unless
Mysy was cold. Cree seemed to think that the fire was getting low.
In the little closet, which, with the kitchen, made up his house,
was a corner shut off from the rest of the room by a few boards, and
behind this he kept his peats. There was a similar receptacle for
potatoes in the kitchen. Cree wanted to get another peat for the
fire without disturbing Mysy. First he took off his boots, and made
for the peats on tip-toe. His shadow was cast on the bed, however,
so he next got down on his knees and crawled softly into the closet.
With the peat in his hands he returned in the same way, glancing
every moment at the bed where Mysy lay. Though Tammy Gow's face was
pressed against a broken window, he did not hear Cree putting that
peat on the fire. Some say that Mysy heard, but pretended not to do
so for her son's sake; that she realized the deception he played on
her and had not the heart to undeceive him. But it would be too sad
to believe that. The boys left Cree alone that night.
The old weaver lived on alone in that solitary house after Mysy left
him, and by and by the story went abroad that he was saving money.
At first no one believed this except the man who told it, but there
seemed after all to be something in it. You had only to hit Cree's
trouser pocket to hear the money chinking, for he was afraid to let
it out of his clutch. Those who sat on dykes with him when his day's
labor was over said that the wearer kept his hand all the time in
his pocket, and that they saw his lips move as he counted his hoard
by letting it slip through his fingers. So there were boys who
called "Miser Queery" after him instead of Grinder, and asked him
whether he was saving up to keep himself from the workhouse.
But we had all done Cree wrong. It came out on his death-bed what he
had been storing up his money for. Grinder, according to the doctor,
died of getting a good meal from a friend of his earlier days after
being accustomed to starve on potatoes and a very little oatmeal
indeed. The day before he died this friend sent him half a
sovereign, and when Grinder saw it he sat up excitedly in his bed
and pulled his corduroys from beneath his pillow. The woman who, out
of kindness, attended him in his last illness, looked on curiously
while Cree added the sixpences and coppers in his pocket to the
half-sovereign. After all they only made some two pounds, but a look
of peace came into Cree's eyes as he told the woman to take it all
to a shop in the town. Nearly twelve years previously Jamie Lownie
had lent him two pounds, and though the money was never asked for,
it preyed on Cree's mind that he was in debt. He paid off all he
owed, and so Cree's life was not, I think, a failure.
THE COURTING OF T'NOWHEAD'S BELL.
For two years it had been notorious in the square that Sam'l Dickie
was thinking of courting T'nowhead's Bell, and that if little
Sanders Elshioner (which is the Thrums pronunciation of Alexander
Alexander) went in for her, he might prove a formidable rival. Sam'l
was a weaver in the Tenements, and Sanders a coal-carter, whose
trade-mark was a bell on his horse's neck that told when coal was
coming. Being something of a public man, Sanders had not, perhaps,
so high a social position as Sam'l, but he had succeeded his father
on the coal-cart, while the weaver had already tried several trades.
It had always been against Sam'l, too, that once when the kirk was
vacant he had advised the selection of the third minister who
preached for it on the ground that it came expensive to pay a large
number of candidates. The scandal of the thing was hushed up, out of
respect for his father, who was a God-fearing man, but Sam'l was
known by it in Lang Tammas' circle. The coal-carter was called
Little Sanders to distinguish him from his father, who was not much
more than half his size. He had grown up with the name, and its
inapplicability now came home to nobody. Sam'l's mother had been
more far-seeing than Sanders'. Her man had been called Sammy all his
life because it was the name he got as a boy, so when their eldest
son was born she spoke of him as Sam'l while still in the cradle.
The neighbors imitated her, and thus the young man had a better
start in life than had been granted to Sammy, his father.
It was Saturday evening--the night in the week when Auld Licht young
men fell in love. Sam'l Dickie, wearing a blue glengarry bonnet with
a red ball on the top, came to the door of a one-story house in the
Tenements, and stood there wriggling, for he was in a suit of tweed
for the first time that week, and did not feel at one with them.
When his feeling of being a stranger to himself wore off, he looked
up and down the road, which straggles between houses and gardens,
and then, picking his way over the puddles, crossed to his father's
hen-house and sat down on it. He was now on his way to the square.
Eppie Fargus was sitting on an adjoining dyke knitting stockings,
and Sam'l looked at her for a time.
"Is't yersel, Eppie?" he said at last.
"It's a' that," said Eppie.
"Hoo's a' wi' ye?" asked Sam'l.
"We're juist aff an' on," replied Eppie, cautiously.
There was not much more to say, but as Sam'l sidled off the hen-house,
he murmured politely, "Ay, ay." In another minute he would have been
fairly started, but Eppie resumed the conversation.
"Sam'l," she said, with a twinkle in her eye, "ye can tell Lisbeth
Fargus I'll likely be drappin' in on her' aboot Mununday or
Lisbeth was sister to Eppie, and wife of Tammas McQuhatty, better
known as T'nowhead, which was the name of his farm. She was thus
Sam'l leaned against the hen-house as if all his desire to depart
"Hoo d'ye kin I'll be at the T'nowhead the nicht?" he asked,
grinning in anticipation.
"Ou, I'se warrant ye'll be after Bell," said Eppie.
"Am no sae sure o' that," said Sam'l, trying to leer. He was
enjoying himself now.
"Am no sure o' that," he repeated, for Eppie seemed lost in
"Ye'll be speirin' her sune noo, I dinna doot?"
This took Sam'l, who had only been courting Bell for a year or two,
a little aback.
"Hoo d'ye mean, Eppie?" he asked.
"Maybe ye'll do't the nicht."
"Na, there's nae hurry," said Sam'l.
"Weel, we're a' coontin' on't, Sam'l."
"Gae wa wi' ye."
"What for no?"
"Gae wa wi' ye," said Sam'l again,
"Bell's gei an' fond o' ye, Sam'l."
"Ay," said Sam'l.
"But am dootin' ye're a fell billy wi' the lasses."
"Ay, oh, I d'na kin, moderate, moderate," said Sam'l, in high
"I saw ye," said Eppie, speaking with a wire in her mouth, "gae'in
on terr'ble wi' Mysy Haggart at the pump last Saturday."
"We was juist amoosin' oorsels," said Sam'l,
"It'll be nae amoosement to Mysy," said Eppie, "gin ye brak her
"Losh, Eppie," said Sam'l, "I didna think o' that."
"Ye maun kin weel, Sam'l, 'at there's mony a lass wid jump at ye."
"Ou, weel," said Sam'l, implying that a man must take these things
as they come.
"For ye're a dainty chield to look at, Sam'l."
"Do ye think so, Eppie? Ay, ay; oh, I d'na kin am onything by the
"Ye mayna be," said Eppie, "but lasses doesna do to be ower
Sam'l resented this, and prepared to depart again.
"Ye'll no tell Bell that?" he asked, anxiously.
"Tell her what?"
"Aboot me an' Mysy."
"We'll see hoo ye behave yersel, Sam'l."
"No 'at I care, Eppie; ye can tell her gin ye like. I widna think
twice o' tellin' her mysel."
"The Lord forgie ye for leein', Sam'l," said Eppie, as he
disappeared down Tammy Tosh's close. Here he came upon Henders
"Ye're late, Sam'l," said Henders.
"Ou, I was thinkin' ye wid be gaen the length o' T'nowhead the
nicht, an' I saw Sanders Elshioner makkin's wy there an oor syne."
"Did ye?" cried Sam'l, adding craftily, "but it's naething to me."
"Tod, lad," said Henders, "gin ye dinna buckle to, Sanders'll be
carryin' her off."
Sam'l flung back his head and passed on.
"Sam'l!" cried Henders after him.
"Ay," said Sam'l, wheeling round.
"Gie Bell a kiss frae me."
The full force of this joke struck neither all at once. Sam'l began
to smile at it as he turned down the school-wynd, and it came upon
Henders while he was in his garden feeding his ferret. Then he
slapped his legs gleefully, and explained the conceit to Will'um
Byars, who went into the house and thought it over.
There were twelve or twenty little groups of men in the square,
which was lit by a flare of oil suspended over a cadger's cart. Now
and again a staid young woman passed through the square with a
basket on her arm, and if she had lingered long enough to give them
time, some of the idlers would have addressed her. As it was, they
gazed after her, and then grinned to each other.
"Ay, Sam'l," said two or three young men, as Sam'l joined them
beneath the town-clock. "Ay, Davit," replied Sam'l.
This group was composed of some of the sharpest wits in Thrums, and
it was not to be expected that they would let this opportunity pass.
Perhaps when Sam'l joined them he knew what was in store for him.
"Was ye lookin' for T'nowhead's Bell, Sam'l?" asked one.
"Or mebbe ye was wantin' the minister?" suggested another, the same
who had walked out twice with Chirsty Duff and not married her after
Sam'l could not think of a good reply at the moment, so he laughed
"Ondootedly she's a snod bit crittur," said Davit, archly.
"An' michty clever wi' her fingers," added Jamie Deuchars.
"Man, I've thocht o' makkin' up to Bell mysel," said Pete Ogle. "Wid
there be ony chance, think ye, Sam'l?"
"I'm thinkin' she widna hae ye for her first, Pete," replied Sam'l,
in one of those happy flashes that come to some men, "but there's
nae sayin' but what she micht tak ye to finish up wi'."
The unexpectedness of this sally startled every one. Though Sam'l
did not set up for a wit, however, like Davit, it was notorious that
he could say a cutting thing once in a way.
"Did ye ever see Bell reddin' up?" asked Pete, recovering from his
overthrow. He was a man who bore no malice.
"It's a sicht," said Sam'l, solemnly.
"Hoo will that be?" asked Jamie Deuchars.
"It's weel worth yer while," said Pete, "to ging atower to the
T'nowhead an' see. Ye'll mind the closed-in beds i' the kitchen? Ay,
weel, they're a fell spoilt crew, T'nowhead's litlins, an' no that
aisy to manage. Th' ither lasses Lisbeth's hae'n had a michty
trouble wi' them. When they war i' the middle o' their reddin' up
the bairns wid come tumlin' about the floor, but, sal, I assure ye,
Bell didna fash lang wi' them. Did she, Sam'l?"
"She did not," said Sam'l, dropping into a fine mode of speech to
add emphasis to his remark.
"I'll tell ye what she did," said Pete to the others. "She juist
lifted up the litlins, twa at a time, an' flung them into the
coffin-beds. Syne she snibbit the doors on them, an' keepit them
there till the floor was dry."
"Ay, man, did she so?" said Davit, admiringly.
"I've seen her do't mysel," said Sam'l.
"There's no a lassie maks better bannocks this side o' Fetter Lums,"
"Her mither tocht her that," said Sam'l; "she was a gran' han' at
the bakin', Kitty Ogilvy."
"I've heard say," remarked Jamie, putting it this way so as not to
tie himself down to anything, "'at Bell's scones is equal to Mag
"So they are," said Sam'l, almost fiercely.
"I kin she's a neat han' at singein' a hen," said Pete.
"An' wi't a'," said Davit, "she's a snod, canty bit stocky in her
"If onything, thick in the waist," suggested Jamie.
"I dinna see that," said Sam'l.
"I d'na care for her hair either," continued Jamie, who was very
nice in his tastes; "something mair yalloweby wid be an
"A'body kins," growled Sam'l, "'at black hair's the bonniest." The
others chuckled. "Puir Sam'l!" Pete said.
Sam'l not being certain whether this should be received with a
smile or a frown, opened his mouth wide as a kind of compromise.
This was position one with him for thinking things, over.
Few Auld Lichts, as I have said, went the length of choosing a
helpmate for themselves. One day a young man's friends would see him
mending the washing-tub of a maiden's mother. They kept the joke
until Saturday night, and then he learned from them what he had been
after. It dazed him for a time, but in a year or so he grew
accustomed to the idea, and they were then married. With a little
help he fell in love just like other people.
Sam'l was going the way of the others, but he found it difficult to
come to the point. He only went courting once a week, and he could
never take up the running at the place where he left off the
Saturday before. Thus he had not, so far, made great headway. His
method of making up to Bell had been to drop in at T'nowhead on
Saturday nights and talk with the farmer about the rinderpest.
The farm kitchen was Bell's testimonial. Its chairs, tables, and
stools were scoured by her to the whiteness of Rob Angus' saw-mill
boards, and the muslin blind on the window was starched like a
child's pinafore. Bell was brave, too, as well as energetic. Once
Thrums had been overrun with thieves. It is now thought that there
may have been only one, but he had the wicked cleverness of a gang.
Such was his repute that there were weavers who spoke of locking
their doors when they went from home. He was not very skilful,
however, being generally caught, and when they said they knew he was
a robber, he gave them their things back and went away. If they had
given him time there is no doubt that he would have gone off with
his plunder. One night he went to T'nowhead, and Bell, who slept In
the kitchen, was awakened by the noise. She knew who it would be, so
she rose and dressed herself, and went to look for him with a
candle. The thief had not known what to do when he got in, and as it
was very lonely he was glad to see Bell. She told him he ought to be
ashamed of himself, and would not let him out by the door until he
had taken off his boots so as not to soil the carpet.
On this Saturday evening Sam'l stood his ground in the square, until
by and by he found himself alone. There were other groups there
still, but his circle had melted away. They went separately, and no
one said good-night. Each took himself off slowly, backing out of
the group until he was fairly started.
Sam'l looked about him, and then, seeing that the others had gone,
walked round the town-house into the darkness of the brae that leads
down and then up to the farm of T'nowhead.
To get into the good graces of Lisbeth Fargus you had to know her
ways and humor them. Sam'l, who was a student of women, knew this,
and so, instead of pushing the door open and walking in, he went
through the rather ridiculous ceremony of knocking. Sanders
Elshioner was also aware of this weakness of Lisbeth's, but though
he often made up his mind to knock, the absurdity of the thing
prevented his doing so when he reached the door. T'nowhead himself
had never got used to his wife's refined notions, and when any one
knocked he always started to his feet, thinking there must be
Lisbeth came to the door, her expansive figure blocking the way in.
"Sam'l," she said.
"Lisbeth," said Sam'l.
He shook hands with the farmer's wife, knowing that she liked it,
but only said, "Ay, Bell," to his sweetheart, "Ay, T'nowhead," to
McQuhatty, and "It's yersel, Sanders," to his rival.
They were all sitting round the fire; T'nowhead, with his feet on
the ribs, wondering why he felt so warm, and Bell darned a stocking,
while Lisbeth kept an eye on a goblet full of potatoes.
"Sit into the fire, Sam'l," said the farmer, not, however, making
way for him.
"Na, na," said Sam'l; "I'm to bide nae time." Then he sat into the
fire. His face was turned away from Bell, and when she spoke he
answered her without looking round. Sam'l felt a little anxious.
Sanders Elshioner, who had one leg shorter than the other, but
looked well when sitting, seemed suspiciously at home. He asked Bell
questions out of his own head, which was beyond Sam'l, and once he
said something to her in such a low voice that the others could not
catch it. T'nowhead asked curiously what it was, and Sanders
explained that he had only said, "Ay, Bell, the morn's the Sabbath."
There was nothing startling in this, but Sam'l did not like it. He
began to wonder if he were too late, and had he seen his opportunity
would have told Bell of a nasty rumor that Sanders intended to go
over to the Free Church if they would make him kirk-officer.
Sam'l had the good-will of T'nowhead's wife, who liked a polite man.
Sanders did his best, but from want of practice he constantly made
mistakes. To-night, for instance, he wore his hat in the house
because he did not like to put up his hand and take it off.
T'nowhead had not taken his off either, but that was because he
meant to go out by and by and lock the byre door. It was impossible
to say which of her lovers Bell preferred. The proper course with an
Auld Licht lassie was to prefer the man who proposed to her.
"Ye'll bide a wee, an' hae something to eat?" Lisbeth asked Sam'l,
with her eyes on the goblet.
"No, I thank ye," said Sam'l, with true gentility.
"I dinna think it."
"Hoots aye; what's to hender ye?"
"Weel, since ye're sae pressin', I'll bide."
No one asked Sanders to stay. Bell could not, for she was but the
servant, and T'nowhead knew that the kick his wife had given him
meant that he was not to do so either. Sanders whistled to show that
he was not uncomfortable.
"Ay, then, I'll be stappin' ower the brae," he said at last.
He did not go, however. There was sufficient pride in him to get him
off his chair, but only slowly, for he had to get accustomed to the
notion of going. At intervals of two or three minutes he remarked
that he must now be going. In the same circumstances Sam'l would
have acted similarly. For a Thrums man, it is one of the hardest
things in life to get away from anywhere.
At last Lisbeth saw that something must be done. The potatoes were
burning, and T'nowhead had an invitation on his tongue.
"Yes, I'll hae to be movin'," said Sanders, hopelessly, for the
"Guid nicht to ye, then, Sanders," said Lisbeth. "Gie the door a
fling-to, ahent ye."
Sanders, with a mighty effort, pulled himself together. He looked
boldly at Bell, and then took off his hat carefully. Sam'l saw with
misgivings that there was something in it which was not a
handkerchief. It was a paper bag glittering with gold braid, and
contained such an assortment of sweets as lads bought for their
lasses on the Muckle Friday.
"Hae, Bell," said Sanders, handing the bag to Bell in an off-hand
way as if it were but a trifle. Nevertheless he was a little
excited, for he went off without saying good-night.
No one spoke. Bell's face was crimson. T'nowhead fidgeted on his
chair, and Lisbeth looked at Sam'l. The weaver was strangely calm
and collected, though he would have liked to know whether this was a
"Sit in by to the table, Sam'l," said Lisbeth, trying to look as if
things were as they had been before.
She put a saucerful of butter, salt, and pepper near the fire to
melt, for melted butter is the shoeing-horn that helps over a meal
of potatoes. Sam'l, however, saw what the hour required, and jumping
up, he seized his bonnet.
"Hing the tatties higher up the joist, Lisbeth," he said with
dignity; "I'se be back in ten meenits."
He hurried out of the house, leaving the others looking at each
"What do ye think?" asked Lisbeth.
"I d'na kin," faltered Bell.
"Thae tatties is lang o' comin' to the boil," said T'nowhead.
In some circles a lover who behaved like Sam'l would have been
suspected of intent upon his rival's life, but neither Bell nor
Lisbeth did the weaver that injustice. In a case of this kind it
does not much matter what T'nowhead thought.
The ten minutes had barely passed when Sam'l was back in the farm
kitchen. He was too flurried to knock this time, and, indeed,
Lisbeth did not expect it of him.
"Bell, hae!" he cried, handing his sweetheart a tinsel bag twice the
size of Sanders' gift.
"Losh preserve's!" exclaimed Lisbeth; "I'se warrant there's a
"There's a' that, Lisbeth--an' mair," said Sam'l firmly.
"I thank ye, Sam'l," said Bell, feeling an unwonted elation as she
gazed at the two paper bags in her lap.
"Ye're ower extravegint, Sam'l," Lisbeth said.
"Not at all," said Sam'l; "not at all. But I widna advise ye to eat
thae ither anes, Bell--they're second quality."
Bell drew back a step from Sam'l.
"How do ye kin?" asked the farmer shortly, for he liked Sanders.
"I speired i' the shop," said Sam'l.
The goblet was placed on a broken plate on the table with the saucer
beside it, and Sam'l, like the others, helped himself. What he did
was to take potatoes from the pot with his fingers, peel off their
coats, and then dip them into the butter. Lisbeth would have liked
to provide knives and forks, but she knew that beyond a certain
point T'nowhead was master in his own house. As for Sam'l, he felt
victory in his hands, and began to think that he had gone too far.
In the mean time Sanders, little witting that Sam'l had trumped his
trick, was sauntering along the kirk-wynd with his hat on the side
of his head. Fortunately he did not meet the minister.
The courting of T'nowhead's Bell reached its crisis one Sabbath
about a month after the events above recorded. The minister was in
great force that day, but it is no part of mine to tell how he bore
himself. I was there, and am not likely to forget the scene. It was
a fateful Sabbath for T'nowhead's Bell and her swains, and destined
to be remembered for the painful scandal which they perpetrated in
Bell was not in the kirk. There being an infant of six months in the
house it was a question of either Lisbeth or the lassie's staying at
home with him, and though Lisbeth was unselfish in a general way,
she could not resist the delight of going to church. She had nine
children besides the baby, and being but a woman, it was the pride
of her life to march them into the T'nowhead pew, so well watched
that they dared not misbehave, and so tightly packed that they could
not fall. The congregation looked at that pew, the mothers
enviously, when they sang the lines--
"Jerusalem like a city is
Compactly built together."
The first half of the service had been gone through on this
particular Sunday without anything remarkable happening. It was at
the end of the psalm which preceded the sermon that Sanders
Elshioner, who sat near the door, lowered his head until it was no
higher than the pews, and in that attitude, looking almost like a
four-footed animal, slipped out of the church. In their eagerness to
be at the sermon many of the congregation did not notice him, and
those who did put the matter by in their minds for future
investigation. Sam'l, however, could not take it so coolly. From his
seat in the gallery he saw Sanders disappear, and his mind misgave
him. With the true lover's instinct he understood it all. Sanders
had been struck by the fine turn-out in the T'nowhead pew. Bell was
alone at the farm. What an opportunity to work one's way up to a
proposal! T'nowhead was so over-run with children, that such a
chance seldom occurred, except on a Sabbath. Sanders, doubtless, was
off to propose, and he, Sam'l, was left behind.
The suspense was terrible. Sam'l and Sanders had both known all
along that Bell would take the first of the two who asked her. Even
those who thought her proud admitted that she was modest. Bitterly
the weaver repented having waited so long. Now it was too late. In
ten minutes Sanders would be at T'nowhead; in an hour all would be
over. Sam'l rose to his feet in a daze. His mother pulled him down
by the coat-tail, and his father shook him, thinking he was walking
in his sleep. He tottered past them, however, hurried up the aisle,
which was so narrow that Dan'l Ross could only reach his seat by
walking sideways, and was gone before the minister could do more
than stop in the middle of a whirl and gape in horror after him.
A number of the congregation felt that day the advantage of sitting
in the laft. What was a mystery to those downstairs was revealed to
them. From the gallery windows they had a fine open view to the
south; and as Sam'l took the common; which was a short cut though a
steep ascent, to T'nowhead, he was never out of their line of
vision. Sanders was not to be seen, but they guessed rightly the
reason why. Thinking he had ample time, he had gone round by the
main road to save his boots--perhaps a little scared by what was
coming. Sam'l's design was to forestall him by taking the shorter
path over the burn and up the commonty.
It was a race for a wife, and several onlookers in the gallery
braved the minister's displeasure to see who won. Those who favored
Sam'l's suit exultingly saw him leap the stream, while the friends
of Sanders fixed their eyes on the top of the common where it ran
into the road. Sanders must come into sight there, and the one who
reached this point first would get Bell.
As Auld Lichts do not walk abroad on the Sabbath, Sanders would
probably not be delayed. The chances were in his favor. Had it been
any other day in the week Sam'l might have run. So some of the
congregation in the gallery were thinking, when suddenly they saw
him bend low and then take to his heels. He had caught sight of
Sanders' head bobbing over the hedge that separated the road from
the common, and feared that Sanders might see him. The congregation
who could crane their necks sufficiently saw a black object, which
they guessed to be the carter's hat, crawling along the hedge-top.
For a moment it was motionless, and then it shot ahead. The rivals
had seen each other. It was now a hot race. Sam'l, dissembling no
longer, clattered up the common, becoming smaller and smaller to the
on-lookers as he neared the top. More than one person in the gallery
almost rose to their feet in their excitement. Sam'l had it. No,
Sanders was in front. Then the two figures disappeared from view.
They seemed to run into each other at the top of the brae, and no
one could say who was first. The congregation looked at one another.
Some of them perspired. But the minister held on his course.
Sam'l had just been in time to cut Sanders out. It was the weaver's
saving that Sanders saw this when his rival turned the corner; for
Sam'l was sadly blown. Sanders took in the situation and gave in at
once. The last hundred yards of the distance he covered at his
leisure, and when he arrived at his destination he did not go in. It
was a fine afternoon for the time of year, and he went round to have
a look at the pig, about which T'nowhead was a little sinfully
"Ay," said Sanders, digging his fingers critically into the grunting
animal; "quite so."
"Grumph," said the pig, getting reluctantly to his feet.
"Ou, ay; yes," said Sanders, thoughtfully.
Then he sat down on the edge of the sty, and looked long and
silently at an empty bucket. But whether his thoughts were of
T'nowhead's Bell, whom he had lost forever, or of the food the
farmer fed his pig on, is not known.
"Lord preserve's! Are ye no at the kirk?" cried Bell, nearly
dropping the baby as Sam'l broke into the room,
"Bell!" cried Sam'l.
Then T'nowhead's Bell knew that her hour had come.
"Sam'l," she faltered.
"Will ye hae's, Bell?" demanded Sam'l, glaring at her sheepishly.
"Ay," answered Bell.
Sam'l fell into a chair.
"Bring's a drink o' water, Bell," he said. But Bell thought the
occasion required milk, and there was none in the kitchen. She went
out to the byre, still with the baby in her arms, and saw Sanders
Elshioner sitting gloomily on the pig-sty.
"Weel, Bell," said Sanders.
"I thocht ye'd been at the kirk, Sanders," said Bell.
Then there was a silence between them.
"Has Sam'l speired ye, Bell?" asked Sanders stolidly.
"Ay," said Bell again, and this time there was a tear in her eye.
Sanders was little better than an "orra man," and Sam'l was a
weaver, and yet--But it was too late now. Sanders gave the pig a
vicious poke with a stick, and when it had ceased to grunt, Bell was
back in the kitchen. She had forgotten about the milk, however, and
Sam'l only got water after all.
In after days, when the story of Bell's wooing was told, there were
some who held that the circumstances would have almost justified the
lassie in giving Sam'l the go-by. But these perhaps forgot that her
other lover was in the same predicament as the accepted one--that of
the two, indeed, he was the more to blame, for he set off to
T'nowhead on the Sabbath of his own accord, while Sam'l only ran
after him. And then there is no one to say for certain whether Bell
heard of her suitors' delinquencies until Lisbeth's return from the
kirk. Sam'l could never remember whether he told her, and Bell was
not sure whether, if he did, she took it in. Sanders was greatly in
demand for weeks after to tell what he knew of the affair, but
though he was twice asked to tea to the manse among the trees, and
subjected thereafter to ministerial cross-examinations, this is all
he told. He remained at the pig-sty until Sam'l left the farm, when
he joined him at the top of the brae, and they went home together.
"It's yersel, Sanders," said Sam'l.
"It is so, Sam'l," said Sanders.
"Very cauld," said Sam'l.
"Blawy," assented Sanders.
After a pause--
"Sam'l," said Sanders.
"I'm hearin' ye're to be mairit."
"Weel, Sam'l, she's a snod bit lassie."
"Thank ye," said Sam'l.
"I had ance a kin' o' notion o' Bell mysel," continued Sanders.
"Yes, Sam'l; but I thocht better o't."
"Hoo d'ye mean?" asked Sam'l, a little anxiously.
"Weel, Sam'l, mairitch is a terrible responsibeelity."
"It is so," said Sam'l, wincing.
"An' no the thing to tak up withoot conseederation."
"But it's a blessed and honorable state, Sanders; ye've heard the
"They say," continued the relentless Sanders, "'at the minister
doesna get on sair wi' the wife himsel."
"So they do," cried Sam'l, with a sinking at the heart.
"I've been telt," Sanders went on, "'at gin ye can get the upper
han' o' the wife for a while at first, there's the mair chance o' a
"Bell's no the lassie," said Sam'l appealingly, "to thwart her man."
"D'ye think she is, Sanders?"
"Weel, Sam'l, I d'na want to fluster ye, but she's been ower lang
wi' Lisbeth Fargus no to hae learnt her ways. An a'body kins what a
life T'nowhead has wi' her."
"Guid sake, Sanders, hoo did ye no speak o' this afore?"
"I thocht ye kent o't, Sam'l."
They had now reached the square, and the U.P. kirk was coming out.
The Auld Licht kirk would be half an hour yet.
"But, Sanders," said Sam'l, brightening up, "ye was on yer wy to
spier her yer-sel."
"I was, Sam'l," said Sanders, "and I canna but be thankfu' ye was
ower quick for's."
"Gin't hadna been you," said Sam'l, "I wid never hae thocht o't."
"I'm sayin' naething agin Bell," pursued the other, "but, man Sam'l,
a body should be mair deleeberate in a thing o' the kind."
"It was michty hurried," said Sam'l, wo-fully.
"It's a serious thing to spier a lassie," said Sanders.
"It's an awfu' thing," said Sam'l.
"But we'll hope for the best," added Sanders in a hopeless voice.
They were close to the Tenements now, and Sam'l looked as if he were
on his way to be hanged.
"Did ye--did ye kiss her, Sam'l?"
"There's was varra little time, Sanders."
"Half an 'oor," said Sanders.
"Was there? Man Sanders, to tell ye the truth, I never thocht o't."
Then the soul of Sanders Elshioner was filled with contempt for
The scandal blew over. At first it was expected that the minister
would interfere to prevent the union, but beyond intimating from the
pulpit that the souls of Sabbath-breakers were beyond praying for,
and then praying for Sam'l and Sanders at great length, with a word
thrown in for Bell, he let things take their course. Some said it
was because he was always frightened lest his young men should
intermarry with other denominations, but Sanders explained it
differently to Sam'l.
"I hav'na a word to say agin the minister," he said; "they're gran'
prayers, but, Sam'l, he's a mairit man himsel."
"He's a' the better for that, Sanders, isna he?"
"Do ye no see," asked Sanders compassionately, "'at he's tryin' to
mat the best o't?"
"Oh, Sanders, man!" said Sam'l.
"Cheer up, Sam'l," said Sanders, "it'll sune be ower."
Their having been rival suitors had not interfered with their
friendship. On the contrary, while they had hitherto been mere
acquaintances, they became inseparables as the wedding-day drew
near. It was noticed that they had much to say to each other, and
that when they could not get a room to themselves they wandered
about together in the churchyard. When Sam'l had anything to tell
Bell he sent Sanders to tell it, and Sanders did as he was bid.
There was nothing that he would not have done for Sam'l.
The more obliging Sanders was, however, the sadder Sam'l grew. He
never laughed now on Saturdays, and sometimes his loom was silent
half the day. Sam'l felt that Sanders' was the kindness of a friend
for a dying man.
It was to be a penny wedding, and Lisbeth Fargus said it was
delicacy that made Sam'l superintend the fitting-up of the barn by
deputy. Once he came to see it in person, but he looked so ill that
Sanders had to see him home. This was on the Thursday afternoon, and
the wedding was fixed for Friday.
"Sanders, Sanders," said Sam'l, in a voice strangely unlike his own,
"it'll a' be ower by this time the morn."
"It will," said Sanders.
"If I had only kent her langer," continued Sam'l.
"It wid hae been safer," said Sanders.
"Did ye see the yallow floor in Bell's bonnet?" asked the accepted
"Ay," said Sanders reluctantly.
"I'm dootin'--I'm sair dootin' she's but a flichty, light-hearted
crittur after a'."
"I had ay my suspeecions o't," said Sanders.
"Ye hae kent her langer than me," said Sam'l.
"Yes," said Sanders, "but there's nae gettin' at the heart o' women.
Man, Sam'l, they're desperate cunnin'."
"I'm dootin't; I'm sair dootin't."
"It'll be a warnin' to ye, Sam'l, no to be in sic a hurry i' the
futur," said Sanders.
"Ye'll be gaein up to the manse to arrange wi' the minister the
morn's mornin'," continued Sanders, in a subdued voice.
Sam'l looked wistfully at his friend.
"I canna do't, Sanders," he said, "I canna do't."
"Ye maun," said Sanders.
"It's aisy to speak," retorted Sam'l bitterly.
"We have a' oor troubles, Sam'l," said Sanders soothingly, "an'
every man maun bear his ain burdens. Johnny Davie's wife's dead, an'
he's no repinin'."
"Ay," said Sam'l, "but a death's no a mairitch. We hae haen deaths
in our family too."
"It may a' be for the best," added Sanders, "an' there wid be a
michty talk i' the hale country-side gin ye didna ging to the
minister like a man."
"I maum hae langer to think o't," said Sam'l.
"Bell's mairitch is the morn," said Sanders decisively.
Sam'l glanced up with a wild look in his eyes.
"Sanders!" he cried.
"Ye hae been a guid friend to me, Sanders, in this sair affliction."
"Nothing ava," said Sanders; "dount mention'd."
"But, Sanders, ye canna deny but what your rinnin oot o' the kirk
that awfu' day was at the bottom o'd a'."
"It was so," said Sanders bravely.
"An' ye used to be fond o' Bell, Sanders."
"I dinna deny't."
"Sanders, laddie," said Sam'l, bending forward and speaking in a
wheedling voice, "I aye thocht it was you she likit."
"I had some sic idea mysel," said Sanders.
"Sanders, I canna think to pairt twa fowk sae weel suited to ane
anither as you an' Bell,"
"Canna ye, Sam'l?"
"She wid mak ye a guid wife, Sanders, I hae studied her weel, and
she's a thrifty, douce, clever lassie. Sanders, there's no the like
o' her. Mony a time, Sanders, I hae said to mysel, 'There's a lass
ony man micht be prood to tak.' A'body says the same, Sanders,
There's nae risk ava, man: nane to speak o'. Tak her, laddie, tak
her, Sanders; it's a grand chance, Sanders. She's yours for the
spierin'. I'll gie her up, Sanders."
"Will ye, though?" said Sanders.
"What d'ye think?" asked Sam'l.
"If ye wid rayther," said Sanders politely.
"There's my han' on't," said Sam'l. "Bless ye, Sanders; ye've been a
true frien' to me."
Then they shook hands for the first time in their lives; and soon
afterward Sanders struck up the brae to T'nowhead,
Next morning Sanders Elshioner, who had been very busy the night
before, put on his Sabbath clothes and strolled up to the manse.
"But--but where is Sam'l?" asked the minister; "I must see himself."
"It's a new arrangement," said Sanders.
"What do you mean, Sanders?"
"Bell's to marry me," explained Sanders.
"But--but what does Sam'l say?"
"He's willin'," said Sanders.
"She's willin', too. She prefers't."
"It is unusual," said the minister.
"It's a' richt," said Sanders.
"Well, you know best," said the minister.
"You see the hoose was taen, at ony rate," continued Sanders. "An'
I'll juist ging in til't instead o' Sam'l."
"An' I cudna think to disappoint the lassie."
"Your sentiments do you credit, Sanders," said the minister; "but I
hope you do not enter upon the blessed state of matrimony without
full consideration of its responsibilities. It is a serious
"It's a' that," said Sanders, "but I'm willin' to stan' the risk."
So, as soon as it could be done, Sanders Elshioner took to wife
T'nowhead's Bell, and I remember seeing Sam'l Dickie trying to dance
at the penny wedding.
Years afterward it was said in Thrums that Sam'l had treated Bell
badly, but he was never sure about it himself.
"It was a near thing--a michty near thing," he admitted in the
"They say," some other weaver would remark, "'at it was you Bell
"I d'na kin," Sam'l would reply, "but there's nae doot the lassie
was fell fond o' me. Ou, a mere passin' fancy's ye micht say."
DAVIT LUNAN'S POLITICAL REMINISCENCES.
When an election-day comes round now, it takes me back to the time
of 1832. I would be eight or ten year old at that time. James
Strachan was at the door by five o'clock in the morning in his
Sabbath clothes, by arrangement. We was to go up to the hill to see
them building the bonfire. Moreover, there was word that Mr.
Scrimgour was to be there tossing pennies, just like at a marriage.
I was awakened before that by my mother at the pans and bowls. I
have always associated elections since that time with jelly-making;
for just as my mother would fill the cups and tankers and bowls with
jelly to save cans, she was emptying the pots and pans to make way
for the ale and porter. James and me was to help to carry it home
from the square--him in the pitcher and me in a flagon, because I
was silly for my age and not strong in the arms.
It was a very blowy morning, though the rain kept off, and what part
of the bonfire had been built already was found scattered to the
winds. Before we rose a great mass of folk was getting the barrels
and things together again; but some of them was never recovered, and
suspicion pointed to William Geddes, it being well known that
William would not hesitate to carry off anything if unobserved. More
by token Chirsty Lamby had seen him rolling home a barrowful of
firewood early in the morning, her having risen to hold cold water
in her mouth, being down with the toothache. When we got up to the
hill everybody was making for the quarry, which being more sheltered
was now thought to be a better place for the bonfire. The masons had
struck work, it being a general holiday in the whole countryside.
There was a great commotion of people, all fine dressed and mostly
with glengarry bonnets; and me and James was well acquaint with
them, though mostly weavers and the like and not my father's equal.
Mr. Scrimgour was not there himself; but there was a small active
body in his room as tossed the money for him fair enough; though not
so liberally as was expected, being mostly ha'pence where pennies
was looked for. Such was not my father's opinion, and him and a few
others only had a vote. He considered it was a waste of money giving
to them that had no vote and so taking out of other folks' mouths;
but the little man said it kept everybody in good-humor and made Mr.
Scrimgour popular. He was an extraordinary affable man and very
spirity, running about to waste no time in walking, and gave me a
shilling, saying to me to be a truthful boy and tell my father. He
did not give James anything, him being an orphan, but clapped his
head and said he was a fine boy.
The captain was to vote for the bill if he got in, the which he did.
It was the captain was to give the ale and the porter in the square
like a true gentleman. My father gave a kind of laugh when I let him
see my shilling, and said he would keep care of it for me; and sorry
I was I let him get it, me never seeing the face of it again to this
day. Me and James was much annoyed with the women, especially Kitty
Davie, always pushing in when there was tossing, and tearing the
very ha'pence out of our hands: us not caring so much about the
money, but humiliated to see women mixing up in politics. By the
time the topmost barrel was on the bonfire there was a great smell
of whiskey in the quarry, it being a confined place. My father had
been against the bonfire being in the quarry, arguing that the wind
on the hill would have carried off the smell of the whiskey; but
Peter Tosh said they did not want the smell carried off; it would be
agreeable to the masons for weeks to come. Except among the women,
there was no fighting nor wrangling at the quarry, but all in fine
I misremember now whether it was Mr. Scrimgour or the captain that
took the fancy to my father's pigs; but it was this day, at any
rate, that the captain sent him the game-cock. Whichever one it was
that fancied the litter of pigs, nothing would content him but to
buy them, which he did at thirty shillings each, being the best
bargain ever my father made. Nevertheless I'm thinking he was
windier of the cock. The captain, who was a local man when not with
his regiment, had the grandest collection of fighting-cocks in the
county, and sometimes came into the town to try them against the
town cocks. I mind well the large wicker cage in which they were
conveyed from place to place, and never without the captain near at
hand. My father had a cock that beat all the other town cocks at the
cock-fight at our school, which was superintended by the elder of
the kirk to see fair play; but the which died of its wounds the next
day but one. This was a great grief to my father, it having been
challenged to fight the captain's cock. Therefore it was very
considerate of the captain to make my father a present of his bird;
father, in compliment to him, changing its name from the "Deil" to
During the forenoon, and I think until well on in the day, James and
me was busy with the pitcher and the flagon. The proceedings in the
square, however, was not so well conducted as in the quarry, many of
the folk there assembled showing a mean and grasping spirit. The
captain had given orders that there was to be no stint of ale and
porter, and neither there was; but much of it lost through hastiness.
Great barrels was hurled into the middle of the square, where the
country wives sat with their eggs and butter on market-day, and was
quickly stove in with an axe or paving-stone or whatever came handy.
Sometimes they would break into the barrel at different points; and
then, when they tilted it up to get the ale out at one hole, it gushed
out at the bottom till the square was flooded. My mother was fair
disgusted when told by me and James of the waste of good liquor. It
is gospel truth I speak when I say I mind well of seeing Singer Davie
catching the porter in a pan as it ran down the sire, and when the
pan was full to overflowing, putting his mouth to the stream and
drinking till he was as full as the pan. Most of the men, however,
stuck to the barrels, the drink running in the street being ale and
porter mixed, and left it to the women and the young folk to do the
carrying. Susy M'Queen brought as many pans as she could collect on
a barrow, and was filling them all with porter, rejecting the ale;
but indignation was aroused against her, and as fast as she filled
the others emptied.
My father scorned to go to the square to drink ale and porter with
the crowd, having the election on his mind and him to vote.
Nevertheless he instructed me and James to keep up a brisk trade
with the pans, and run back across the gardens in case we met
dishonest folk in the streets who might drink the ale. Also, said my
father, we was to let the excesses of our neighbors be a warning in
sobriety to us; enough being as good as a feast, except when you can
store it up for the winter. By and by my mother thought it was not
safe me being in the streets with so many wild men about, and would
have sent James himself, him being an orphan and hardier; but this I
did not like, but, running out, did not come back for long enough.
There is no doubt that the music was to blame for firing the men's
blood, and the result most disgraceful fighting with no object in
view. There was three fiddlers and two at the flute, most of them
blind, but not the less dangerous on that account; and they kept the
town in a ferment, even playing the country-folk home to the farms,
followed by bands of towns-folk. They were a quarrelsome set, the
ploughmen and others; and it was generally admitted in the town that
their overbearing behavior was responsible for the fights. I mind
them being driven out of the square, stones flying thick; also some
stand-up fights with sticks, and others fair enough with fists. The
worst fight I did not see. It took place in a field. At first it was
only between two who had been miscalling one another; but there was
many looking on, and when the town man was like getting the worst of
it the others set to, and a most heathenish fray with no sense in it
ensued. One man had his arm broken. I mind Hobart the bellman going
about ringing his bell and telling all persons to get within doors;
but little attention was paid to him, it being notorious that Snecky
had had a fight earlier in the day himself.
When James was fighting in the field, according to his own account,
I had the honor of dining with the electors who voted for the
captain, him paying all expenses. It was a lucky accident my mother
sending me to the town-house, where the dinner came off, to try to
get my father home at a decent hour, me having a remarkable power
over him when in liquor, but at no other time. They were very jolly,
however, and insisted on my drinking the captain's health and eating
more than was safe. My father got it next day from my mother for
this; and so would I myself, but it was several days before I left
my bed, completely knocked up as I was with the excitement and one
thing or another. The bonfire, which was built to celebrate the
election of Mr. Scrimgour, was set ablaze, though I did not see it,
in honor of the election of the captain; it being thought a pity to
lose it, as no doubt it would have been. That is about all I
remember of the celebrated election of '32 when the Reform Bill was
A VERY OLD FAMILY.
They were a very old family with whom Snecky Hobart, the bellman,
lodged. Their favorite dissipation, when their looms had come to
rest, was a dander through the kirk-yard. They dressed for it: the
three young ones in their rusty blacks; the patriarch in his old
blue coat, velvet knee-breeches, and broad blue bonnet; and often of
an evening I have met them moving from grave to grave. By this time
the old man was nearly ninety, and the young ones averaged sixty.
They read out the inscriptions on the tombstones in a solemn drone,
and their father added his reminiscences. He never failed them.
Since the beginning of the century he had not missed a funeral, and
his children felt that he was a great example. Sire and sons
returned from the cemetery invigorated for their daily labors. If
one of them happened to start a dozen yards behind the others, he
never thought of making up the distance. If his foot struck against
a stone, he came to a dead stop; when he discovered that he had
stopped, he set off again.
A high wall shut off this old family's house and garden, from the
clatter of Thrums, a wall that gave Snecky some trouble before he
went to live within it. I speak from personal knowledge. One spring
morning, before the school-house was built, I was assisting the
patriarch to divest the gaunt garden pump of its winter suit of
straw. I was taking a drink, I remember, my palm over the mouth of
the wooden spout and my mouth at the gimlet-hole above, when a leg
appeared above the corner of the wall against which the hen-house
was built. Two hands followed, clutching desperately at the uneven
stones. Then the leg worked as if it were turning a grindstone, and
next moment Snecky was sitting breathlessly on the dyke. From this
to the hen-house, whose roof was of "divets," the descent was
comparatively easy, and a slanting board allowed the daring bellman
to slide thence to the ground. He had come on business, and having
talked it over slowly with the old man he turned to depart. Though
he was a genteel man, I heard him sigh heavily as, with the remark,
"Ay, weel, I'll be movin' again," he began to rescale the wall. The
patriarch, twisted round the pump, made no reply, so I ventured to
suggest to the bellman that he might find the gate easier. "Is there
a gate?" said Snecky, in surprise at the resources of civilization.
I pointed it out to him, and he went his way chuckling. The old man
told me that he had sometimes wondered at Snecky's mode of approach,
but it had not struck him to say anything. Afterward, when the
bellman took up his abode there, they discussed the matter heavily.
Hobart inherited both his bell and his nickname from his father, who
was not a native of Thrums. He came from some distant part where the
people speak of snecking the door, meaning shut it. In Thrums the
word used is steek, and sneck seemed to the inhabitants so droll and
ridiculous that Hobart got the name of Snecky. His son left Thrums
at the age of ten for the distant farm of Tirl, and did not return
until the old bellman's death, twenty years afterward; but the first
remark he overheard on entering the kirk-wynd was a conjecture flung
across the street by a gray-haired crone, that he would be "little
Snecky come to bury auld Snecky."
The father had a reputation in his day for "crying" crimes he was
suspected of having committed himself, but the Snecky I knew had too
high a sense of his own importance for that. On great occasions,
such as the loss of little Davy Dundas, or when a tattie roup had to
be cried, he was even offensively inflated: but ordinary
announcements, such as the approach of a flying stationer, the roup
of a deceased weaver's loom, or the arrival in Thrums of a cart-load
of fine "kebec" cheeses, he treated as the merest trifles. I see
still the bent legs of the snuffy old man straightening to the
tinkle of his bell, and the smirk with which he let the curious
populace gather round him. In one hand he ostentatiously displayed
the paper on which what he had to cry was written, but, like the
minister, he scorned to "read." With the bell carefully tucked under
his oxter he gave forth his news in a rasping voice that broke now
and again into a squeal. Though Scotch in his unofficial
conversation, he was believed to deliver himself on public occasions
in the finest English. When trotting from place to place with his
news he carried his bell by the tongue as cautiously as if it were a
flagon of milk.
Snecky never allowed himself to degenerate into a mere machine. His
proclamations were provided by those who employed him, but his soul
was his own. Having cried a potato roup he would sometimes add a
word of warning, such as, "I wudna advise ye, lads, to hae ony-thing
to do wi' thae tatties; they're diseased." Once, just before the
cattle market, he was sent round by a local laird to announce that
any drover found taking the short cut to the hill through the
grounds of Muckle Plowy would be prosecuted to the utmost limits of
the law. The people were aghast. "Hoots, lads," Snecky said; "dinna
fash yoursels. It's juist a haver o' the grieve's." One of Hobart's
ways of striking terror into evil-doers was to announce, when crying
a crime, that he himself knew perfectly well who the culprit was. "I
see him brawly," he would say, "standing afore me, an' if he disna
instantly mak retribution, I am determined this very day to mak a
public example of him."
Before the time of the Burke and Hare murders Snecky's father was
sent round Thrums to proclaim the startling news that a grave in the
kirk-yard had been tampered with. The "resurrectionist" scare was at
its height then, and the patriarch, who was one of the men in Thrums
paid to watch new graves in the night-time, has often told the
story. The town was in a ferment as the news spread, and there were
fierce suspicious men among Hobart's hearers who already had the
rifler of graves in their eye.
He was a man who worked for the farmers when they required an extra
hand, and loafed about the square when they could do without him. No
one had a good word for him, and lately he had been flush of money.
That was sufficient. There was a rush of angry men through the
"pend" that led to his habitation, and he was dragged, panting and
terrified, to the kirk-yard before he understood what it all meant.
To the grave they hurried him, and almost without a word handed him
a spade. The whole town gathered round the spot--a sullen crowd, the
women only breaking the silence with their sobs, and the children
clinging to their gowns. The suspected resurrectionist understood
what was wanted of him, and, flinging off his jacket, began to
reopen the grave. Presently the spade struck upon wood, and by and
by part of the coffin came in view. That was nothing, for the
resurrectionists had a way of breaking the coffin at one end and
drawing out the body with tongs. The digger knew this. He broke the
boards with the spade and revealed an arm. The people convinced, he
dropped the arm savagely, leaped out of the grave and went his way,
leaving them to shovel back the earth themselves.
There was humor in the old family as well as in their lodger. I
found this out slowly. They used to gather round their peat fire in
the evening, after the poultry had gone to sleep on the kitchen
rafters, and take off their neighbors. None of them ever laughed;
but their neighbors did afford them subject for gossip, and the old
man was very sarcastic over other people's old-fashioned ways. When
one of the family wanted to go out he did it gradually. He would be
sitting "into the fire" browning his corduroy trousers, and he would
get up slowly. Then he gazed solemnly before him for a time, and
after that, if you watched him narrowly, you would see that he was
really moving to the door. Another member of the family took the
vacant seat with the same precautions. Will'um, the eldest, has a
gun, which customarily stands behind the old eight-day clock; and he
takes it with him to the garden to shoot the blackbirds. Long before
Will'um is ready to let fly, the blackbirds have gone away; and so
the gun is never, never fired; but there is a determined look on
Will'um's face when he returns from the garden.
In the stormy days of his youth the old man had been a "Black Nib."
The Black Nibs were the persons who agitated against the French war;
and the public feeling against them ran strong and deep. In Thrums
the local Black Nibs were burned in effigy, and whenever they put
their heads out of doors they risked being stoned. Even where the
authorities were unprejudiced they were helpless to interfere; and
as a rule they were as bitter against the Black Nibs as the populace
themselves. Once the patriarch was running through the street with a
score of the enemy at his heels, and the bailie, opening his window,
shouted to them, "Stane the Black Nib oot o' the toon!"
When the patriarch was a young man he was a follower of pleasure.
This is the one thing about him that his family have never been able
to understand. A solemn stroll through the kirk-yard was not
sufficient relaxation in those riotous times, after a hard day at
the loom; and he rarely lost a chance of going to see a man hanged.
There was a good deal of hanging in those days; and yet the
authorities had an ugly way of reprieving condemned men on whom the
sight-seers had been counting. An air of gloom would gather on my
old friend's countenance when he told how he and his contemporaries
in Thrums trudged every Saturday for six weeks to the county town,
many miles distant, to witness the execution of some criminal in
whom they had local interest, and who, after disappointing them
again and again, was said to have been bought off by a friend. His
crime had been stolen entrance into a house in Thrums by the
chimney, with intent to rob; and though this old-fashioned family
did not see it, not the least noticeable incident in the scrimmage
that followed was the prudence of the canny housewife. When she saw
the legs coming down the lum, she rushed to the kail-pot which was
on the fire and put on the lid. She confessed that this was not done
to prevent the visitor's scalding himself, but to save the broth.
The old man was repeated in his three sons. They told his stories
precisely as he did himself, taking as long in the telling and
making the points in exactly the same way. By and by they will come
to think that they themselves were of those past times. Already the
young ones look like contemporaries of their father.
LITTLE RATHIE'S "BURAL."
Devout-under-difficulties would have been the name of Lang Tammas
had he been of Covenanting times. So I thought one wintry afternoon,
years before I went to the school-house, when he dropped in to ask
the pleasure of my company to the farmer of Little Rathie's "bural."
As a good Auld Licht, Tammas reserved his swallow-tail coat and "lum
hat" (chimney-pot) for the kirk and funerals; but the coat would
have flapped villanously, to Tammas' eternal ignominy, had he for
one rash moment relaxed his hold of the bottom button, and it was
only by walking sideways, as horses sometimes try to do, that the
hat could be kept at the angle of decorum. Let it not he thought
that Tammas had asked me to Little Rathie's funeral on his own
responsibility. Burials were among the few events to break the
monotony of an Auld Licht winter, and invitations were as much
sought after as cards to my lady's dances in the south. This had
been a fair average season for Tammas, though of his four burials
one had been a bairn's--a mere bagatelle; but had it not been for
the death of Little Rathie I would probably not have been out that
year at all.
The small farm of Little Rathie lies two miles from Thrums, and
Tammas and I trudged manfully through the snow, adding to our
numbers as we went. The dress of none differed materially from the
precentor's, and the general effect was of septuagenarians in each
other's best clothes, though living in low-roofed houses had bent
most of them before their time. By a rearrangement of garments, such
as making Tammas change coat, hat, and trousers with Cragiebuckle,
Silva McQueen, and Sam'l Wilkie respectively, a dexterous tailor
might perhaps have supplied each with a "fit." The talk was chiefly
of Little Rathie, and sometimes threatened to become animated, when
another mourner would fall in and restore the more fitting gloom.
"Ay, ay," the new-comer would say, by way of responding to the sober
salutation, "Ay, Johnny." Then there was silence, but for the
"gluck" with which we lifted our feet from the slush.
"So Little Rathie's been ta'en awa'," Johnny would venture to say by
"He's gone, Johnny; ay, man, he is so."
"Death must come to all," some one would waken up to murmur.
"Ay," Lang Tammas would reply, putting on the coping-stone, "in the
morning we are strong and in the evening we are cut down."
"We are so, Tammas; ou ay, we are so; we're here the wan day an'
gone the neist."
"Little Rathie wasna a crittur I took till; no, I canna say he was,"
said Bowie Haggart, so called because his legs described a parabola,
"but be maks a vary creeditable corp [corpse]. I will say that for
him. It's wonderfu' hoo death improves a body. Ye cudna hae said as
Little Rathie was a weel-faured man when he was i' the flesh."
Bowie was the wright, and attended burials in his official capacity.
He had the gift of words to an uncommon degree, and I do not forget
his crushing blow at the reputation of the poet Burns, as delivered
under the auspices of the Thrums Literary Society. "I am of
opeenion," said Bowie, "that the works of Burns is of an immoral
tendency. I have not read them myself, but such is my opeenion."
"He was a queer stock, Little Rathie, michty queer," said Tammas
Haggart, Bowie's brother, who was a queer stock himself, but was not
aware of it; "but, ou, I'm thinkin' the wife had something to do
wi't. She was ill to manage, an' Little Rathie hadna the way o' the
women. He hadna the knack o' managin' them's yo micht say--no,
Little Rathie hadna the knack."
"They're kittle cattle, the women," said the farmer of
Craigiebuckle--son of the Craigiebuckle mentioned elsewhere--a
little gloomily. "I've often thocht maiterimony is no onlike the
lucky bags th' auld wifies has at the muckly. There's prizes an'
blanks baith inside, but, losh, ye're far frae sure what ye'll draw
oot when ye put in yer han'."
"Ou, weel," said Tammas complacently, "there's truth in what ye say,
but the women can be managed if ye have the knack."
"Some o' them," said Cragiebuckle woefully.
"Ye had yer wark wi' the wife yersel, Tammas, so ye had," observed
Lang Tammas, unbending to suit his company.
"Ye're speakin' aboot the bit wife's bural," said Tammas Haggart,
with a chuckle; "ay, ay, that brocht her to reason."
Without much pressure Haggart retold a story known to the majority
of his hearers. He had not the "knack" of managing women apparently
when he married, for he and his gypsy wife "agreed ill thegither" at
first. Once Chirsty left him and took up her abode in a house just
across the wynd. Instead of routing her out, Tammas, without taking
any one into his confidence, determined to treat Chirsty as dead,
and celebrate her decease in a "lyke wake"--a last wake. These wakes
were very general in Thrums in the old days, though they had ceased
to be common by the date of Little Rathie's death. For three days
before the burial the friends and neighbors of the mourners were
invited into the house to partake of food and drink by the side of
the corpse. The dead lay on chairs covered with a white sheet.
Dirges were sung and the deceased was extolled, but when night came
the lights were extinguished and the corpse was left alone. On the
morning of the funeral tables were spread with a white cloth outside
the house, and food and drink were placed upon them. No neighbor
could pass the tables without paying his respects to the dead; and
even when the house was in a busy, narrow thoroughfare, this part of
the ceremony was never omitted. Tammas did not give Chirsty a wake
inside the house; but one Friday morning--it was market-day, and the
square was consequently full--it went through the town that the
tables were spread before his door. Young and old collected,
wandering round the house, and Tammas stood at the tables in his
blacks inviting every one to eat and drink. He was pressed to tell
what it meant; but nothing could be got from him except that his
wife was dead. At times he pressed his hands to his heart, and then
he would make wry faces, trying hard to cry. Chirsty watched from a
window across the street, until she perhaps began to fear that she
really was dead. Unable to stand it any longer, she rushed out into
her husband's arms, and shortly afterward she could have been seen
dismantling the tables.
"She's gone this fower year," Tammas said, when he had finished his
story, "but up to the end I had no more trouble wi' Chirsty. No, I
had the knack o' her.'
"I've heard tell, though," said the sceptical Craigiebuckle, "as
Chirsty only cam back to ye because she cudna bear to see the fowk
makkin' sae free wi' the whiskey."
"I mind hoo she bottled it up at ance and drove the laddies awa',"
said Bowie, "an' I hae seen her after that, Tammas, giein' ye up yer
fut an' you no sayin' a word."
"Ou, ay," said the wife-tamer, in the tone of a man who could afford
to be generous in trifles, "women maun talk, an' a man hasna aye
time to conterdick them, but frae that day I had the knack o'
"Donal Elshioner's was a vary seemilar case," broke in Snecky Hobart
shrilly. "Maist o' ye'll mind 'at Donal was michty plagueit wi' a
drucken wife. Ay, weel, wan day Bowie's man was carryin' a coffin
past Donal's door, and Donal an' the wife was there. Says Donal,
'Put doon yer coffin, my man, an' tell's wha it's for.' The laddie
rests the coffin on its end, an' says he, 'It's for Davie
Fairbrother's guid-wife.' 'Ay, then,' says Donal, 'tak it awa', tak
it awa' to Davie, an' tell 'im as ye kin a man wi' a wife 'at wid be
glad to neifer [exchange] wi' him.' Man, that terrified Donal's
wife; it did so."
As we delved up the twisting road between two fields that leads to
the farm of Little Rathie, the talk became less general, and another
mourner who joined us there was told that the farmer was gone.
"We must all fade as a leaf," said Lang Tammas.
"So we maun, so we maun," admitted the new-comer. "They say," he
added, solemnly, "as Little Rathie has left a full teapot."
The reference was to the safe in which the old people in the
district stored their gains.
"He was thrifty," said Tammas Haggart, "an' shrewd, too, was Little
Rathie. I mind Mr. Dishart admonishin' him for no attendin' a
special weather service i' the kirk, when Finny an' Lintool, the twa
adjoinin' farmers, baith attendit. 'Ou,' says Little Rathie, 'I
thocht to mysel, thinks I, if they get rain for prayin' for't on
Finny an' Lintool, we're bound to get the benefit o't on Little
"Tod," said Snecky, "there's some sense in that; an' what says the
"I d'na kin what he said," admitted Haggart; "but he took Little
Rathie up to the manse, an' if ever I saw a man lookin' sma', it was
Little Rathie when he cam oot."
The deceased had left behind him a daughter (herself now known as
Little Rathie), quite capable of attending to the ramshackle "but
and ben;" and I remember how she nipped off Tammas' consolations to
go out and feed the hens. To the number of about twenty we assembled
round the end of the house to escape the bitter wind, and here I
lost the precentor, who, as an Auld Licht elder, joined the chief
mourners inside. The post of distinction at a funeral is near the
coffin; but it is not given to every one to be a relative of the
deceased, and there is always much competition and genteelly
concealed disappointment over the few open vacancies. The window of
the room was decently veiled, but the mourners outside knew what was
happening within, and that it was not all prayer, neither mourning.
A few of the more reverent uncovered their heads at intervals; but
it would be idle to deny that there was a feeling that Little
Rathie's daughter was favoring Tammas and others somewhat
invidiously. Indeed, Robbie Gibruth did not scruple to remark that
she had made "an inauspeecious beginning." Tammas Haggart, who was
melancholy when not sarcastic, though he brightened up wonderfully
at funerals, reminded Robbie that disappointment is the lot of man
on his earthly pilgrimage; but Haggart knew who were to be invited
back after the burial to the farm, and was inclined, to make much of
his position. The secret would doubtless have been wormed from him
had not public attention been directed into another channel. A
prayer was certainly being offered up inside; but the voice was not
the voice of the minister.
Lang Tammas told me afterward that it had seemed at one time "vary
queistionable" whether Little Rathie would be buried that day at
all. The incomprehensible absence of Mr. Dishart (afterward
satisfactorily explained) had raised the unexpected question of the
legality of a burial in a case where the minister had not prayed
over the "corp." There had even been an indulgence in hot words,
and the Reverend Alexander Kewans, a "stickit minister," but not of
the Auld Licht persuasion, had withdrawn in dudgeon on hearing
Tammas asked to conduct the ceremony instead of himself. But, great
as Tammas was on religious questions, a pillar of the Auld Licht
kirk, the Shorter Catechism at his finger-ends, a sad want of words
at the very time when he needed them most incapacitated him for
prayer in public, and it was providential that Bowie proved himself
a man of parts. But Tammas tells me that the wright grossly abused
his position, by praying at such length that Craigiebuckle fell
asleep, and the mistress had to rise and hang the pot on the fire
higher up the joist, lest its contents should burn before the return
from the funeral. Loury grew the sky, and more and more anxious the
face of Little Rathie's daughter, and still Bowie prayed on. Had it
not been for the impatience of the precentor and the grumbling of
the mourners outside, there is no saying when the remains would have
been lifted through the "bole," or little window.
Hearses had hardly come in at this time, and the coffin was carried
by the mourners on long stakes. The straggling procession of
pedestrians behind wound its slow way in the waning light to the
kirk-yard, showing startlingly black against the dazzling snow; and
it was not until the earth rattled on the coffin-lid that Little
Rathie's nearest male relative seemed to remember his last mournful
duty to the dead. Sidling up to the favored mourners, he remarked
casually and in the most emotionless tone he could assume; "They're
expec'in' ye to stap doon the length o' Little Rathie noo. Aye, aye,
he's gone. Na, na, nae refoosal, Da-avit; ye was aye a guid friend
till him, an' it's onything a body can do for him noo."
Though the uninvited slunk away sorrowfully, the entertainment
provided at Auld Licht houses of mourning was characteristic of a
stern and sober sect. They got to eat and to drink to the extent, as
a rule, of a "lippy" of short bread and a "brew" of toddy; but open
Bibles lay on the table, and the eyes of each were on his neighbors
to catch them transgressing, and offer up a prayer for them on the
spot. Ay me! there is no Bowie nowadays to fill an absent minister's
A LITERARY CLUB.
The ministers in the town did not hold with literature. When the
most notorious of the clubs met in the town-house under the
presidentship of Gravia Ogilvy, who was no better than a poacher,
and was troubled in his mind because writers called Pope a poet,
there was frequently a wrangle over the question, "Is literature
necessarily immoral?" It was a fighting club, and on Friday nights
the few respectable, God-fearing members dandered to the town-house,
as if merely curious to have another look at the building. If Lang
Tammas, who was dead against letters, was in sight they wandered
off, but when there were no spies abroad they slunk up the stair.
The attendance was greatest on dark nights, though Gavin himself and
some other characters would have marched straight to the meeting in
broad daylight. Tammas Haggart, who did not think much of Milton's
devil, had married a gypsy woman for an experiment, and the Coat of
Many Colors did not know where his wife was. As a rule, however, the
members were wild bachelors. When they married they had to settle
Gavin's essay on Will'um Pitt, the Father of the Taxes, led to the
club's being bundled out of the town-house, where people said it
should never have been allowed to meet. There was a terrible towse
when Tammas Haggart then disclosed the secret of Mr. Byars' supposed
approval of the club. Mr. Byars was the Auld Licht minister whom Mr.
Dishart succeeded, and it was well known that he had advised the
authorities to grant the use of the little town-house to the club on
Friday evenings. As he solemnly warned his congregation against
attending the meetings, the position he had taken up created talk,
and Lang Tammas called at the manse with Sanders Whamond to
remonstrate. The minister, however, harangued them on their
sinfulness in daring to question the like of him, and they had to
retire vanquished though dissatisfied. Then came the disclosures of
Tammas Haggart, who was never properly secured by the Auld Lichts
until Mr. Dishart took him in hand. It was Tammas who wrote
anonymous letters to Mr. Byars about the scarlet woman, and, strange
to say, this led to the club's being allowed to meet in the town-house.
The minister, after many days, discovered who his correspondent was,
and succeeded in inveigling the stone-breaker to the manse. There,
with the door snibbed, he opened out on Tammas, who, after his usual
manner when hard pressed, pretended to be deaf. This sudden fit of
deafness so exasperated the minister that he flung a book at Tammas.
The scene that followed was one that few Auld Licht manses can have
witnessed. According to Tammas, the book had hardly reached the floor
when the minister turned white. Tammas picked up the missile. It was
a Bible. The two men looked at each other. Beneath the window Mr. Byars'
children were prattling. His wife was moving about in the next room,
little thinking what had happened. The minister held out his hand for
the Bible, but Tammas shook his head, and then Mr. Byars shrank into
a chair. Finally, it was arranged that if Tammas kept the affair to
himself the minister would say a good word to the bailie about the
literary club. After that the stone-breaker used to go from house to
house, twisting his mouth to the side and remarking that he could tell
such a tale of Mr. Byars as would lead to a split in the kirk. When the
town-house was locked on the club Tammas spoke out, but though the
scandal ran from door to door, as I have seen a pig in a fluster do, the
minister did not lose his place. Tammas preserved the Bible, and
showed it complacently to visitors as the present he got from Mr.
Byars. The minister knew this, and it turned his temper sour.
Tammas' proud moments, after that, were when he passed the minister.
Driven from the town-house, literature found a table with forms
round it in a tavern hard by, where the club, lopped of its most
respectable members, kept the blinds down and talked openly of
Shakespeare. It was a low-roofed room, with pieces of lime hanging
from the ceiling and peeling walls. The floor had a slope that
tended to fling the debater forward, and its boards, lying loose on
an uneven foundation, rose and looked at you as you crossed the
room. In winter, when the meetings were held regularly every
fortnight, a fire of peat, sod, and dross lit up the curious company
who sat round the table shaking their heads over Shelley's
mysticism, or requiring to be called to order because they would not
wait their turn to deny an essayist's assertion, that Berkeley's
style was superior to David Hume's. Davit Hume, they said, and Watty
Scott. Burns was simply referred to as Rob or Robbie.
There was little drinking at these meetings, for the members knew
what they were talking about, and your mind had to gallop to keep up
with the flow of reasoning. Thrums is rather a remarkable town.
There are scores and scores of houses in it that have sent their
sons to college (by what a struggle!), some to make their way to the
front in their professions, and others, perhaps, despite their
broadcloth, never to be a patch on their parents. In that literary
club there were men of a reading so wide and catholic that it might
put some graduates of the universities to shame, and of an intellect
so keen that had it not had a crook in it their fame would have
crossed the county. Most of them had but a threadbare existence, for
you weave slowly with a Wordsworth open before you, and some were
strange Bohemians (which does not do in Thrums), yet others wandered
into the world and compelled it to recognize them. There is a London
barrister whose father belonged to the club. Not many years ago a
man died on the staff of the Times, who, when he was a weaver
near Thrums, was one of the club's prominent members. He taught
himself shorthand by the light of a cruizey, and got a post on a
Perth paper, afterward on the Scotsman and the Witness, and finally
on the Times. Several other men of his type had a history worth
reading, but it is not for me to write. Yet I may say that there is
still at least one of the original members of the club left behind in
Thrums to whom some of the literary dandies might lift their hats.
Gavin Ogilvy I only knew as a weaver and a poacher: a lank, long-armed
man, much bent from crouching in ditches whence he watched his snares.
To the young he was a romantic figure, because they saw him frequently
in the fields with his call-birds tempting siskins, yellow yites, and
Unties to twigs which he had previously smeared with lime. He made the
lime from the tough roots of holly; sometimes from linseed, oil, which
is boiled until thick, when it is taken out of the pot and drawn and
stretched with the hands like elastic. Gavin was also a famous
hare-snarer at a time when the ploughman looked upon this form of
poaching as his perquisite. The snare was of wire, so constructed that
the hare entangled itself the more when trying to escape, and it was
placed across the little roads through the fields to which hares confine
themselves, with a heavy stone attached to it by a string. Once Gavin
caught a toad (fox) instead of a hare, and did not discover his mistake
until it had him by the teeth. He was not able to weave for two months.
The grouse-netting was more lucrative and more exciting, and women
engaged in it with their husbands. It is told of Gavin that he was on
one occasion chased by a game-keeper over moor and hill for twenty
miles, and that by and by when the one sank down exhausted so did the
other. They would sit fifty yards apart, glaring at each other. The
poacher eventually escaped. This, curious as it may seem, is the man
whose eloquence at the club has not been forgotten in fifty years. "Thus
did he stand," I have been told recently, "exclaiming in language
sublime that the soul shall bloom in immortal youth through the ruin
and wrack of time."
Another member read to the club an account of his journey to
Lochnagar, which was afterward published in Chambers's
Journal. He was celebrated for his descriptions of scenery, and
was not the only member of the club whose essays got into print.
More memorable perhaps was an itinerant match-seller known to Thrums
and the surrounding towns as the literary spunk-seller. He was a
wizened, shivering old man, often barefooted, wearing at the best a
thin, ragged coat that had been black but was green-brown with age,
and he made his spunks as well as sold them. He brought Bacon and
Adam Smith into Thrums, and he loved to recite long screeds from
Spenser, with a running commentary on the versification and the
luxuriance of the diction. Of Jamie's death I do not care to write.
He went without many a dinner in order to buy a book.
The Coat of Many Colors and Silva Robbie were two street preachers
who gave the Thrums ministers some work. They occasionally appeared
at the club. The Coat of Many Colors was so called because he wore a
garment consisting of patches of cloth of various colors sewed
together. It hung down to his heels. He may have been cracked rather
than inspired, but he was a power in the square where he preached,
the women declaring that he was gifted by God. An awe filled even
the men when he admonished them for using strong language, for at
such a time he would remind them of the woe which fell upon Tibbie
Mason. Tibbie had been notorious in her day for evil-speaking,
especially for her free use of the word handless, which she flung a
hundred times in a week at her man, and even at her old mother. Her
punishment was to have a son born without hands. The Coat of Many
Colors also told of the liar who exclaimed, "If this is not gospel
true may I stand here forever," and who is standing on that spot
still, only nobody knows where it is. George Wishart was the Coat's
hero, and often he has told in the square how Wishart saved Dundee.
It was the time when the plague lay over Scotland, and in Dundee
they saw it approaching from the West in the form of a great black
cloud. They fell on their knees and prayed, crying to the cloud to
pass them by, and while they prayed it came nearer. Then they looked
around for the most holy man among them, to intervene with God on
their behalf. All eyes turned to George Wishart, and he stood up,
stretching his arms to the cloud, and prayed, and it rolled back.
Thus Dundee was saved from the plague, but when Wishart ended his
prayer he was alone, for the people had all returned to their homes.
Less of a genuine man than the Coat of Many Colors was Silva Robbie,
who had horrid fits of laughing in the middle of his prayers, and
even fell in a paroxysm of laughter from the chair on which he
stood. In the club he said, things not to be borne, though logical
up to a certain point.
Tammas Haggart was the most sarcastic member of the club, being
celebrated for his sarcasm far and wide. It was a remarkable thing
about him, often spoken of, that if you went to Tammas with a
stranger and asked him to say a sarcastic thing that the man might
take away as a specimen, he could not do it. "Na, na," Tammas would
say, after a few trials, referring to sarcasm, "she's no a crittur
to force. Ye maun lat her tak her ain time. Sometimes she's dry like
the pump, an' syne, again, oot she comes in a gush." The most
sarcastic thing the stone-breaker ever said was frequently marvelled
over in Thrums, both before and behind his face, but unfortunately
no one could ever remember what it was. The subject, however, was
Cha Tamson's potato pit. There is little doubt that it was a fit of
sarcasm that induced Tammas to marry a gypsy lassie. Mr. Byars would
not join them, so Tammas had himself married by Jimmy Pawse, the gay
little gypsy king, and after that the minister remarried them. The
marriage over the tongs is a thing to scandalize any well-brought-up
person, for before he joined the couple's hands Jimmy jumped about
in a startling way, uttering wild gibberish, and after the ceremony
was over there was rough work, with incantations and blowing on
pipes. Tammas always held that this marriage turned out better than
he had expected, though he had his trials like other married men.
Among them was Chirsty's way of climbing on to the dresser to get at
the higher part of the plate-rack. One evening I called in to have a
smoke with the stone-breaker, and while we were talking Chirsty
climbed the dresser. The next moment she was on the floor on her
back, wailing, but Tammas smoked on imperturbably. "Do you not see
what has happened, man?" I cried. "Ou," said Tammas, "she's aye
fa'in aff the dresser."
Of the school-masters who were at times members of the club, Mr.
Dickie was the ripest scholar, but my predecessor at the schoolhouse
had a way of sneering at him that was as good as sarcasm. When they
were on their legs at the same time, asking each other passionately
to be calm, and rolling out lines from Homer that made the inn-keeper
look fearfully to the fastenings of the door, their heads very nearly
came together, although the table was between them. The old dominie
had an advantage in being the shorter man, for he could hammer on the
table as he spoke, while gaunt Mr. Dickie had to stoop to it. Mr.
McRittie's arguments were a series of nails that he knocked into the
table, and he did it in a workmanlike manner. Mr. Dickie, though he
kept firm on his feet, swayed his body until by and by his head was
rotating in a large circle. The mathematical figure he made was a
cone revolving on its apex. Gavin's reinstalment in the chair year
after year was made by the disappointed dominie the subject of some
tart verses which be called an epode, but Gavin crushed him when they
were read before the club. "Satire," he said, "is a legitimate weapon,
used with michty effect by Swift, Sammy Butler, and others, and I
dount object to being made the subject of creeticism. It has often
been called a t'nife [knife], but them as is not used to t'nives cuts
their hands, and ye'll a' observe that Mr. McRittie's fingers is
bleedin'." All eyes were turned upon the dominie's hand, and though
he pocketed it smartly several members had seen the blood. The dominie
was a rare visitor at the club after that, though he outlived poor
Mr. Dickie by many years. Mr. Dickie was a teacher in Tilliedrum, but
he was ruined by drink. He wandered from town to town, reciting Greek
and Latin poetry to any one who would give him a dram, and sometimes
he wept and moaned aloud in the street, crying, "Poor Mr. Dickie!
poor Mr. Dickie!"
The leading poet in a club of poets was Dite Walls, who kept a
school when there were scholars and weaved when there were none. He
had a song that was published in a halfpenny leaflet about the
famous lawsuit instituted by the fanner of Teuchbusses against the
Laird of Drumlee. The laird was alleged to have taken from the land
of Teuchbusses sufficient broom to make a besom thereof, and I am
not certain that the case is settled to this day. It was Dite, or
another member of the club, who wrote "The Wife o' Deeside," of all
the songs of the period the one that had the greatest vogue in the
county at a time when Lord Jeffrey was cursed at every fireside in
Thrums. The wife of Deeside was tried for the murder of her servant,
who had infatuated the young laird, and had it not been that Jeffrey
defended her she would, in the words of the song, have "hung like a
troot." It is not easy now to conceive the rage against Jeffrey when
the woman was acquitted. The song was sung and recited in the
streets, at the smiddy, in bothies, and by firesides, to the shaking
of fists and the grinding of teeth. It began:
"Ye'll a' hae hear tell o' the wife o' Deeside,
Ye'll a' hae hear tell o' the wife o' Deeside,
She poisoned her maid for to keep up her pride,
Ye'll a' hae hear tell o' the wife o' Deeside."
Before the excitement had abated, Jeffrey was in Tilliedrum for
electioneering purposes, and he was mobbed in the streets. Angry
crowds pressed close to howl "Wife o' Deeside!" at him. A contingent
from Thrums was there, and it was long afterward told of Sam'l Todd,
by himself, that he hit Jeffrey on the back of the head with a clod
Johnny McQuhatty, a brother of the T'nowhead farmer, was the one
taciturn member of the club, and you had only to look at him to know
that he had a secret. He was a great genius at the hand-loom, and
invented a loom for the weaving of linen such as has not been seen
before or since. In the day-time he kept guard over his "shop," into
which no one was allowed to enter, and the fame of his loom was so
great that he had to watch over it with a gun. At night he weaved,
and when the result at last pleased him he made the linen into
shirts, all of which he stitched together with his own hands, even
to the button-holes. He sent one shirt to the Queen, and another to
the Duchess of Athole, mentioning a very large price for them, which
he got. Then he destroyed his wonderful loom, and how it was made no
one will ever know. Johnny only took to literature after he had made
his name, and he seldom spoke at the club except when ghosts and the
like were the subject of debate, as they tended to be when the
farmer of Mucklo Haws could get in a word. Mucklo Haws was
fascinated by Johnny's sneers at superstition, and sometimes on dark
nights the inventor had to make his courage good by seeing the
farmer past the doulie yates (ghost gates), which Muckle Haws had to
go perilously near on his way home. Johnny was a small man, but it
was the burly farmer who shook at sight of the gates standing out
white in the night. White gates have an evil name still, and Muckle
Haws was full of horrors as he drew near them, clinging to Johnny's
arm. It was on such a night, he would remember, that he saw the
White Lady go through the gates greeting sorely, with a dead bairn
in her arms, while water kelpie laughed and splashed in the pools
and the witches danced in a ring round Broken Buss. That very night
twelve months ago the packman was murdered at Broken Buss, and Easie
Pettie hanged herself on the stump of a tree. Last night there were
ugly sounds from the quarry of Croup, where the bairn lies buried,
and it's not mous (canny) to be out at such a time. The farmer had
seen spectre maidens walking round the ruined castle of Darg, and
the castle all lit up with flaring torches, and dead knights and
ladies sitting in the halls at the wine-cup, and the devil himself
flapping his wings on the ramparts.
When the debates were political, two members with the gift of song
fired the blood with their own poems about taxation and the
depopulation of the Highlands, and by selling these songs from door
to door they made their livelihood.
Books and pamphlets were brought into the town by the flying
stationers, as they were called, who visited the square periodically
carrying their wares on their backs, except at the Muckly, when they
had their stall and even sold books by auction. The flying stationer
best known to Thrums was Sandersy Riaca, who was stricken from head
to foot with the palsy, and could only speak with a quaver in
consequence. Sandersy brought to the members of the club all the
great books he could get second-hand, but his stock in trade was
Thrummy Cap and Akenstaff, the Fishwives of Buckhaven, the Devil
upon Two Sticks, Gilderoy, Sir James the Rose, the Brownie of
Badenoch, the Ghaist of Firenden, and the like. It was from Sandersy
that Tammas Haggart bought his copy of Shakespeare, whom Mr. Dishart
could never abide. Tammas kept what he had done from his wife, but
Chirsty saw a deterioration setting in and told the minister of her
suspicions. Mr. Dishart was newly placed at the time and very
vigorous, and the way he shook the truth out of Tammas was grand.
The minister pulled Tammas the one way and Gavin pulled him the
other, but Mr. Dishart was not the man to be beaten, and he landed
Tammas in the Auld Licht kirk before the year was out. Chirsty
buried Shakespeare in the yard.